The doctors seemed to believe he will remember, but they couldn’t say when he’ll regain his forgotten years.
“Cool,” he mutters and walks into the living room. He glances at my easel. A portrait I was working on of him for my portfolio is on display. “That me?” His brows knit, and his lips curve into a grin.
“Yeah. You were posing for me.” My cheeks redden because he was very naked when I was working on the piece. I know every inch of his skin and he used to know mine.
“You live here too?”
My stomach drops. “Yes. You asked me to move in. We hadn’t been dating all that long but you asking me was one of the single greatest things to ever happen to me, Killian.”
He swallows and nods. “You mind if I look around?”
“Of course not. Don’t…you don’t need to ask me. This is your place as much as it’s mine. It’s ours.” My voice cracks. Tears burn in the backs of my eyes, but I bite my inner cheek and fight against them. I don’t want to be an emotional crazy person, but I feel so on edge. I have no idea how to do this. I want to be here for him and give him some space, but it’s so hard when all I want is for him to come back to me. The version of him who can’t get enough of my kisses. The man who makes me feel like I am the only girl in the world.
Killian moves slowly around the room picking up odds and ends inspecting them. It’s killing me to not reach out and touch him. He’s here, but he’s not present with me. When he stares at me…I don’t get those butterflies…I only feel uneasiness. Fear of losing him all over again courses through my veins. What if I lose him because he doesn’t remember loving me?
Moving on to the bedroom he disappears through the doorway, and I let out a breath. I tuck the Ziplock bag of his belongings into the kitchen junk drawer for now. His Zippo lighter, his crushed pack of cigarettes, a package of grape bubblegum. The screen on his cell phone was completely shattered. His dad sent it off to be repaired, but it hasn’t come back yet.
My boyfriend who seems like a stranger returns to the living room and sinks down on the couch. He glances at me then turns his attention to the TV. Switching it on, he starts flipping through the channels. He settles on watching some drag racing show and I relax. My man’s in there still, I just have to find him.
I am going to need a lot of patience.
“Do you want me to fix you a plate?”
“I’m not hungry. You don’t need to babysit me. I’m sure you have a life to return to.” He doesn’t even meet my gaze when he speaks.
“Killian.” I pinch my trembling bottom lip. “You are my life.” As soon as the words leave my lips, I wish I could take them back. Not because I don’t mean them, but he’s not ready to hear them or accept them.
He has this deer in the headlights expression on his face. I’m trying so hard not to break but it’s damn hard. I’m scared. I can’t imagine my life without him. I know we made a royally screwed up mess of things before the wreck, but we would have found our way back to each other. It’s what we do. We fight and we make up.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel weird…it’s only that two weeks ago we were a couple and now I don’t know what we are.” I just want my boyfriend back. He’s all I need.
“Do I have a car?” he asks ignoring everything I said. I feel about two feet tall right now.
“Yeah. A hot ass Mustang.”
Jumping to his feet he focuses on the counter where he usually leaves his keys. Faith flickers inside me. I open the drawer where I stuck his belongings.
“This is your stuff you had on you when you were taken to the hospital.”
“Cool. Thanks.” He approaches me slowly. His gait no longer holds that confident swagger. I can’t keep doing this to myself. If I keep watching and obsessing over his every movement, I am going to go crazy. Opening the baggie, he dumps the contents onto the counter. Sifting through each item he tosses the grape gum and the cigarettes in the trash. I don’t comment but am dying to. His doctor told me not to pressure him to remember. I’m trying to keep my promise. Curling his fingers around the keys he sweeps them off the counter. They jingle and panic floods me.
The thought of him leaving terrifies me. I don’t want him behind the wheel, but I’m his girlfriend not his mother and have no business saying anything. Actually, I don’t know what I am right now.
His dark eyes meet mine swirling with confusion. “You said you made tacos?”
“Yeah.” My lips stretch into a creepy smile, but I can’t hide my pleasure when he drops the keys back to their normal spot.
“Let’s eat.”
He doesn’t remember where the plates are, but it doesn’t mean anything. I hang back and let him figure it out on his own.
“What would you like to drink?”
“Got any Coke?”
“Mhmm.” I grab a bottle from inside the door and hand it to him. Our fingertips brush together as he accepts the cold plastic bottle and my stomach flutters. I blink when I realize I haven’t let go of the bottle. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Liri. I’m sure this is hard and awkward for you. I wish I could remember I just…I don’t.”