Last night we understood each other or so I thought, but Killian does whatever in the hell he wants, consequences be damned.
My stomach lurches and my temples throb. I put my head between my legs and take deep breaths. I wait another five minutes until the feeling of wanting to vomit passes before I return to the house. Eve
ryone is already at the table passing dishes around. I feel so out of place. As much as my own mom pisses me off right now, I wish I were with her and Theo. But then I remember that they are separated, and I don’t have anyone. Sure, Killian’s family is great, and they always go out of their way to make me feel welcome, but they aren’t my family. No matter how much I wish it were so. Killian has made it clear I’m not important to him memory or not. I’m an afterthought.
I shovel my food around on my plate, and when I see Diane watching me, I force myself to eat. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She went to so much trouble today. She’s at her ex-husband’s house cooking for him and his wife. The woman he cheated on her with. If she can suck it all up I can too. Killian should be here making the best of the day, but he’s off sulking like a child.
I put a smile on my face and play dolls with Hope and Sadie while watching the clock and counting the hours that Killian has been gone. It’s obvious he isn’t coming back. I help Noelle clean up the kitchen while Dillan takes the girls home to get them to bed. Diane is getting ready to leave so I say my goodbyes and catch a ride with her to my car. I don’t want to be stuck spending the night.
“Liri, I know my son is hard to put up with and with the accident a lot has changed between you. I don’t blame you for wanting to walk away. I’d want to say fuck it too.”
I smile at her boldness. She’s not afraid to say how she feels or what she thinks, and I admire that about her. “It’s hard. I won’t lie. I feel lost. I don’t know how to get him back, or if he even wants to find his way back.”
“Ignore him and don’t feed into his games.”
Yup. She knows her son.
“I have a hard time with the word no when it comes to Killian.”
“I was the same way with his father but be strong. Show Killian what he’s missing. He’ll come around. And if he’s lucky he won’t be too late to realize what he has before he screws it up.”
“I hope so.”
“Things have a way of working out. I’ll let you in on a secret. I still love Conrad and losing him about killed me, but I survived and moved on with my life. If Killian doesn’t get his head out of his ass and grow up, you will too. You’ll find your way, but don’t sit around and wait for him. I love my son and hope to god he sees what he has but not at the cost of your happiness.”
“Thanks, Diane.”
“I hope you don’t think I am overstepping, but I know you’re a good girl. You’re smart, and you love Killian as much as I do. Maybe more.”
Tears well up and I feel so stupid and emotional. “I should let you get home. Thanks for everything.”
“Even if things with Killian don’t work out, you can talk to me anytime you want. You’ve got my number. Use it.”
“I will.”
“Good. Now drive safe.”
Diane drives off once I am in my car. I grab my phone from my bag before I start my car.
I have a few missed messages from Hunter asking how I am and wishing me a happy turkey day. I’ll text him back later.
My Mom has tried to call me a few times, but there’s nothing from Killian. Not that I expected there to be. I dial Mom and hope she doesn’t fight with me.
“Sweetheart, I was wondering if I was going to hear from you.”
“Sorry, I’m getting ready to leave from Conrad’s. My phone has been in my purse all day. What’d you do today?”
“I went and visited your father.”
My stomach muscles clench. “James?”
“Yes. I was hoping to have this conversation in person, but he’s not doing that great. He’s had another stroke.”
“I see. Um…did you talk to him?”
“No. He was sedated. I saw the picture you did of him. It’s beautiful, Liri. He’d be so proud of you.”
“Mom. I just…I can’t right now.” I blink away the tears. Every time I think of James, I feel guilty. I haven’t been back to see him. “I’m getting ready to drive.”