“Okay, but I have a final Tuesday so after I see Doc you have to drop me back at the apartment. My car’s there and my phone. I don’t even know where my keys are.”
“Don’t worry about any of that. We’ll get your stuff packed up and moved back home and we can start hunting apartments in Paris after you get all your finals in.”
“Sounds perfect.”
It’s going to take me being halfway across the world to move on with my life.
I’m scared that no amount of time and distance will be able to repair what’s broken inside me, but I’ll try.
Chapter 15
Killian
A knock sounds on the door, and I pop up off the couch. Glancing through the peephole I see Liri shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot. I open the door and step off to the side.
“I’m here to change clothes and grab my keys and phone.”
“Do whatever you need to.” She looks like hell. Her eyes are rimmed with dark circles and her skin is so pale. Acid burns in the pit of my stomach. Something inside me hates seeing her so damn sad. I know it’s my fault, but there is nothing I can do to take back what happened. I got what I wanted. What I deserve. She doesn’t understand that it’s what’s best for her, but one day she will. I’m not a good guy. I don’t do hearts and flowers. I get what I want and move on.
“I’ll be moving my stuff out this weekend and you can do whatever you want with the apartment.”
“Liri…you can stay. I can stay at the frat house. You don’t have to move out. I can.”
“I don’t want to stay anywhere that will remind me of you. I’m not returning to Crestwood after this semester. I’m transferring.”
My throat feels dry. And I clear it. “Because of me?”
“Mainly.”
My stomach drops to my feet and I don’t know why. “Where will you go?”
“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
“Fair enough.” I’m such a prick. I go into the kitchen for a water, and she walks into the bedroom. I can hear her going through the drawers, opening and closing them angrily. I know I owe her an apology, but there is nothing I can say that will help matters. Twisting the lid off my bottled water, I chug. Liri comes out of the bedroom with two bags packed weighing heavily on her shoulder. She appears so tiny and frail. There’s a bandage wrapped around her left hand, and I recall the glass I stepped in when I came back here last night.
“I was going to give this to you on Christmas, but I don’t have any plans of finishing it. You can keep it or burn it. I really don’t care what you do with it. I just don’t want it anymore.” She tosses a sketchbook on the couch. “Don’t be here this weekend when I come for my stuff. My parents will be with me, and I don’t think it’d be a good idea for them to see you. You can have the furniture too. I don’t want anything attached to you. And um if you could let your dad know, I won’t be working at the bar anymore.”
“If that’s what you want.”
“Super.” She moves toward the door, and my heart beats rapidly against my chest so strong and hard I feel like it might leap out my throat.
“Liri…” I don’t know what to say, but suddenly I don’t want her to go.
She turns to me, and those powder blue eyes are so haunted I nearly drop to my knees. Pain surges in my head and I rub my temples. Confusion clouds my vision.
“Goodbye, Killian. I would say have a nice life, but I hope one day you look back and you remember what you had, because you’re gonna look for me in everyone who comes after me, and not a one of them will ever compare.” Tears glisten in her eyes, and something inside me snaps. “I was the real deal. I was your girl, but I don’t wanna be anymore.” Her words cut through me like a knife, and I don’t even know why.
I feel like my heart just broke in two. Pain slices through me as she walks out the door and out of my life.
The door closes behind her, and I go over to the couch and pick up the book she dropped there. The front cover shows us, sketched sitting in the clearing on Butler Road about to kiss. It’s titled The Story of Killian & Liri. My breath hitches in my chest, and my lungs burn with acid as bile creeps its way up.
My chest squeezes tight, and a lump forms in my throat. My head pulses in stabbing pain. I flip the book open to a random page. Pouring through sketch after sketch of her memories of us. It is our story. Every moment recorded with her colored pencils and markers. I’m drowning in the reality of what I’ve done…what I lost.
Me and Liam in my car at a red light the first time I laid eyes on her.
Our first kiss.
Some pizza place.