“Fine. Bailey, I will talk to you later.”
“Sure. We have lots to talk about.” She emphasizes the word lots. I nod, and she goes back in the building.
“Can we stop somewhere and get a coffee?” I ask him, as he follows me to his car like a lost puppy.
“Whatever you want,” he says, his voice hoarse. “Can you drive? I have a wicked hangover.” He grimaces as the sun shines in his eyes.
“Sure.” I take the keys from his hand, careful not to touch him. I’m too raw and part of me doesn’t want to erase Holden’s touch from my body. I don’t want Ezra to touch me now where Holden has been.
For someone who wanted to talk so damn bad, Ezra is quiet until after I go through the drive thru at Starbucks.
After I get back on the road, I ask, “Do you want to go to the park to talk?” I can’t go back to the apartment yet. I can’t face Holden yet. I know what I asked of him is wrong, and I could see the anguish on his face when he left me early this morning. He wasn’t happy with my decision, but I won’t be responsible for ripping apart his friendship with Ezra if I haven’t already.
“Sounds good.” His head is laying against the passenger side window and he winces when I turn the radio on. He must have really tied one on last night.
“Shouldn’t you be at work?” He never misses work, ever.
“I think the old man understands after last night went so wrong,” he says.
I nod and pull into the first empty spot by the fishing docks at the lake. Taking a sip of my coffee, I go to get out of the car when Ezra stops me. He grabs a hold of my arm and grips me so tight I am afraid I will bruise.
“Thank you for coming with me. I know I fucked up, but I love you.”
I nod unsure of what to say to him. “Let’s go sit in the shade under the picnic shelter.”
He lets go and I want to rub away his touch where his fingerprints mark my wrist, but I don’t.
We get out of the car and I take a seat across the picnic table from him. “I’m listening, so talk.”
“You have to forgive me. I fucked up and I know that.”
“You more than fucked up.” I shake my head. “But we both know we weren’t working, and I should’ve said no when you asked me to move in. It was a mistake.”
“Nothing about us was a mistake, Con. Don’t say that.” He goes to grab my hand across the table, and I shrink back, putting my hands in my lap. “Why can’t I touch you?” His voice is heated.
“Because, the hands that were supposed to love me have been on another woman. That’s why. The thought of you touching me after being with her makes my skin crawl. I can’t stand the thought, Ezra. It makes me sick. When was the last time you fucked her? Did you fuck her and come home to me last week? Is she why you haven’t been sleeping with me? Is she why you were working so late? Is she?”
He looks at me with defeat, and I know I am right. I know the answer to all my questions is yes.
He gets up and comes to sit next to me. I want to move away from him, but I don’t. He grabs my hand again, and this time, I let him. He brushes his fingers over my knuckles and brings them to his mouth for a kiss. The gesture makes me shudder in disgust.
“She meant nothing to me. I fired her after I dropped you off. I went to her apartment and told her to find a new job and to never contact me again. I’m sorry, Snookems. I’m so sorry. You have to forgive me. I can’t live without you. If you leave me, I’ll kill you and then myself. I can’t live in a world where you aren’t mine.”
What the serious fuck? “Don’t be so dramatic, Ezra. You don’t mean that.”
“I do, Conleigh. I swear to you, I will slit your damn throat in your sleep and then I will blow my brains out. I can’t stand to think of you with another man. The thought of you being with any guy who isn’t me, it makes me crazy mad.”
“Ezra, you’re scaring me,” I cry, afraid of what he will say next.
“You
can’t leave me, Snookems. We are perfect together. Just give me chance. That’s all I am asking, Con. Give me two weeks to show you that I can make you happy.”
He hugs me into his side and for the first time in my life I am afraid of Ezra as he pulls a gun from the waistband of his shorts and holds it to my temple.
“If you don’t, they will find you at the bottom of the lake.”
I swallow, afraid to move, afraid to speak.