She was the only thing keeping me tethered in the middle of this storm. It was only at night while she slept from exhaustion that I stayed up long into the wee hours mulling things over and over again in my head.
Nicholas was the only one I had spared during what I fondly think of as my cleansing period. His family was one of the wealthiest in the land, a strong bloodline that beyond the cursed Whitleys were the only ones who might’ve had any claim to my throne.
By rights I should’ve ended him with his sire, but I knew Nicholas, and though I had vowed never to trust anyone ever again, it was hard to forget all that my friend had meant to me.
There was no way to erase the love and loyalty we shared. Or the many times he had stood in the way to protect me at the risk of his own life. Truth is Nicholas has been as close as any brother. So why was I fighting even the idea of this union so stringently? I waited for him to catch up to me but still said nothing.
The early morning air was cool and fresh as we readied our hawks and the dogs were released. My guards and a few other noblemen went ahead into the forest as we stayed back, both of us in deep contemplation.
“How is she?” I guess he’d held it in as long as he could. Looking to my side I studied him. His proud carriage and the set stone look to his face masked his inner thoughts well, but not well enough from someone who knew him as well as I.
“Tell me Nicholas. What do you really feel for my sister?” He’d said once that he loved her but I hadn’t been in the mood to listen or believe him then.
Since my time with Cecile it was easier for me to see and understand how someone who was so much like myself, could fall victim to that most vicious emotion.
“I love her, nothing will change that.”
“You mean that don’t you.” His look when he turned his gaze on me was answer enough. Turmoil and heartache was plain to see.
“Well hell. How did this happen? I thought you once swore to me that you would never give into that malady?”
“We were young and in our cups I believe, when I uttered those words. But what man can ever know the workings of the heart? I tell you, I never wanted the trappings of love and all that nonsense. Obviously I knew I would have to marry sometime. After all there’s the matter of an heir to beget to carry on the old family name. But I had believed that I would save that for a later time.”
“I never would’ve expected it to be the princess. I’ve known her since she was a child for heaven’s sake. How could I know that one day the sun would light upon her hair in such a way that would draw the eye and capture my heart?”
I looked at him with what I was sure was a stupefied expression. “I know I know, I sound like a bungling arse, but that’s just what happened.”
“We were sitting in the garden much as we always does, and she was talking about something or other and suddenly I looked at her, really looked at her, and it happened.”
“I wouldn’t have wished it on my worst enemy. I knew even as I understood what was happening that there was no hope for it. Had I known that she was growing to feel the same I would’ve distanced myself sooner. But by the time I knew the way of it, it was too late, she was proclaiming her love for me.”
“I tried to dissuade her. I tried to tell her the way of it, but like you she has a stubborn streak a mile wide. There was no talking to her.”
I listened as he told me how he had tried to let her down easy, how it had torn him up inside to watch her fall apart when he told her that they could never be.
I have seen Nicholas in many lights, have shared much with him some of it not fit to be mentioned for the very depravity of the act. But I had never seen him thus.
There was much to think about, but all the thinking in the last few days had gained me nothing. We joined the hunt, which was already well underway. It’s something we hadn’t done much of lately but had enjoyed much in the past.
The boar was plentiful in these woods and for all that plagued my mind and heart I found that I was looking forward to the day.
The hounds set up a baying and the company turned in the direction of the sound, rustling through the thick brush and evading low lying branches until we came to the place where the dogs had cornered a most magnificent beast.