“Of course, whatever it is, you can talk to me. I’ll listen.” I try to reassure her. But the thought of her with another guy pisses me off and makes me want to punch him. I know I haven’t spent as much time with her as say a fiancé would, but I care about her.
She hits pause on the show and turns into me. “Well, since you are a dude maybe you can give me some perspective. Justin and I had been together since middle school. He was my everything. My first kiss, my only boyfriend, all of it, there was only ever him. As we got older, he would put me off when it came to intimate things. He would, ya know…God, this is so embarrassing. We would fool around but it never went further than kissing and touching on occasion. Eventually we had sex, but it wasn’t that all-consuming passion I had always imagined. Then he cheated on me… and I walked away. Now he wants to talk.”
A knock on the door interrupts her story. I get up and pay the guy while she gets plates ready. We get our slices and settle back on the couch.
“Any man that would ever step out on you or even look at another woman when
he had you is an utter fool. Hattie Mae, I have seen you. You’re kind, smart, and so damn beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have you.”
“I guess that was the problem, he didn’t want me. He wanted someone else.” She looks away from me. “The day I picked up my father’s ashes I walked up on him kissing some dude outside of our apartment.”
I was not expecting that, at all, but it explains why a man would cheat on a girl like Hattie. “Damn, that had to be rough. But you must know his sexual preference had nothing to do with you. It doesn’t mean there was something wrong with you. You know that, don’t you?” I scratch the back of my neck, unsure what to do or say. I’d love to kiss her and show her that a man would appreciate what she has to offer. Fuck, I’d show her that I could appreciate her. Make her feel wanted. Show her desire.
“I do know that, Zane. You know that night I first came here, when I kissed you? It was because I wanted to see if I could get a rise out of a man like you.” Her cheeks are painted red right now, but it so damn sexy.
I brush her hair back from her face. Our show has long been forgotten and I am sure the pizza is getting cold.
“What kind of man am I?” I ask in a husky tone, fighting the urge to claim her lips and her heart right now. I know it’s too soon though, but God do I want to kiss her again.
She turns her face toward mine. My heart is hammering in my chest. I am going to just go for it but then she cuts me off. “The kind that better eat his pizza before it gets cold,” she says, grinning and starts the show back.
Her phone continues to vibrate, and she eventually powers it off and shuts down any further conversation about this ex of hers. I feel that I should say or do more, but I don’t want to push and freak her out.
The way I feel about Hattie is strong, but I don’t know how she feels about this ex of hers and if it has messed with her head so much that she isn’t willing to trust anyone. I decide to keep my mouth shut and enjoy my time with her. Now that her phone is off, she is back to being relaxed and comfortable with me.
By the end of the third episode, she is asleep on my lap and I hate to move her, but I have an early shift tomorrow at Rowdy’s doing inventory. I slide out from under her easily enough. Her arm curls around the pillow I place under her head. I go into her room and take the blanket from her bed to cover her with and I turn the TV off for her. Flipping the lights off, I lock her door from the inside and pull it shut. “Goodnight, Hattie,” I say quietly into the night.
Chapter 14
Hattie Mae
I awake sometime late in the night after Zane has gone home. It was sweet of him to take care of me. I hope he doesn’t go blabbing to anyone about what a loser I am…about Justin. I don’t think that he would, but people here love to gossip. Zane is the first person I have told about Justin. Kiesha doesn’t even know about him. Gah, Justin. I get up and switch my phone on and the last message he sent me stops me dead in my tracks.
Justin: I am driving down to Texas. I need to see you.
Me: I don’t want to see you.
Justin: I miss you. I think about you all the time. I was so stupid.
Me: Justin please don’t say things like that to me. You lost the right to miss me the minute you chose him. I am going to bed. We can talk tomorrow.
I turn my phone off before he can say more. I don’t know what he wants. What does he expect from me? Does he think he can just show up here and say he was stupid and that makes his betrayal void? Life doesn’t work that way. I’m not wired that way. Once a cheater always a cheater in my book. My dad was a serial cheater. He couldn’t keep it in his pants according to my mom. And by the stories Bethel has told about him he wasn’t faithful to Mary either.
I toss and turn all night as Justin’s betrayal invades my sweet dreams of Zane.
We were back on the four-wheeler and he was grinning at me with mud streaking his face. His blue eyes were gazing into mine, sucking me under his spell. I wanted him to pull me under and consume my mouth with his tempting lips.
Holding my face in his palms, he leaned forward, being slow and gentle. His breath tickled my nose as he moved in, mere centimeters from claiming what I wanted to give him and then poof he vanished into thin air and I was face to face with Justin.
I woke up clutching my chest and drenched in sweat.
I’m not ready to see him.
I don’t know if I will ever want to see him.
I loved him truly, but maybe not as madly as I thought because when I am around Zane I feel so much passion. So much sexual tension.
Maybe it’s only lust.