Whatever, if he knew what she really was he would run away hard and fast. They always do once they learn she isn’t the settling down with one man type. She had this one regular when I was in grade school that worshiped her. He wanted to marry her and take us away from here and she broke his heart. I begged him to take me with him when he left. Even packed my backpack stuffing it full with my clothes. I sat on the front steps and waited for him to come for me, but of course, he never came back. I looked him up about two years ago online. He has since gotten married and has a beautiful family. It made me sad thinking that could have been me in the photo, happy, smiling with my dad and dog. I have always wanted a dog.
A knock at the door saves me from having to engage in any further conversation with David and Nancy.
“Morning,” Kai says groggily when I open the door.
“Hey there sleepy head.” I close the door behind us. He looks exhausted. “Rough night?”
“I didn’t sleep good. Khloe-bug came home from daycare early with a stomach virus. Poor thing was throwing up all night. I had to leave school to pick her up. My mom was swamped at work, Kirk was underground and my dad, well I don’t know where he was...” He rubs his fingers over his tired eyes before buckling his seatbelt.
“Maybe you should stay home and rest or check in late or something,” I suggest.
“I’ll be fine.” He drives us to school in silence.
Seems that Kai takes care of Khloe more than his parents do. It isn’t fair of them to put so much responsibility on him. I know he loves his little sister but no wonder he wants to get away.
When we get to school, we are a few minutes early. Kai has his head resting against his seat with his eyes closed. I think he might actually be asleep. It shocks the hell out of me when he takes my hand in his, resting our joined hands on his thigh. His thumb brushes circles over my knuckles in a soothing manner. I lay my head back and close my eyes too.
Neither of us say a word. There is just something electrifying happening in this moment passing between us. I can’t explain it. I think my body has been sent into shock by his touch.
Seconds go by or maybe minutes I can’t be sure. I can feel Kai’s eyes on me. Turning my head sideways, he is staring at me intensely. My heart ceases to beat and I am drowning under his gaze. A tightening ache squeezes in my lungs as I try to breathe. He is so beautiful, it almost hurts to look at him and see the hurt and desire behind his eyes. I know that pain. His pain is like a mirror reflecting the same hurt I carry inside of me.
He angles his face towards mine, letting go of my hand I forgot he was still holding. “Kat,” he says my name swallowing hard. He licks his bottom lip and I am not sure if I want to be his lip or his tongue, so I can know what both feels like.
“Yes, Kai,” I answer in a sultry whisper.
The outside bell rings startling us both. His eyes drop. “We’re going to be late.”
I simply nod and get out of the car feeling as if I might die. That was so damn intense.
~**~
School passed in a blur, I can’t even recall what I ate for lunch. I just remember seeing Kai’s deep greens gazing at me with his dimples popping out. He has already dropped Khloe and me off at his house. Kai told me he was going to work delivering pizzas. That is the reason why I watch Khloe, because he has to work. He is saving his money for the band’s summer tour.
Getting Kelli’s instructions for today from the fridge, I go over Khloe’s schedule. She gets to watch thirty minutes of TV while she has her after school snack. Today she gets a banana and peanut butter sandwich. I think it is nasty, but Khloe seems to think it the best thing ever, and she is on her second cup of milk to wash it down with.
After watching My Little Pony, we go to her room to play. Today she has me playing restaurant—Khloe’s Fancy Cakes. The kid has a realistic kitchen, dishes and play food. I take a seat at her princess table, well I am on my knees at her table. I am afraid of breaking her chair. She goes through the motions of baking the cakes and serving me. She waits eagerly for me to pretend to taste each one.
Praising her culinary skills, I tell her that she has the best Fancy cakes in all of Kentucky. This excites her and she tells me to just wait until she gets her Easy Bake Oven. Khloe says that Kai promised if she is good when I watch her that he will buy one for her.
After Khloe goes to bed, curiosity gets the best of me and I find myself in Kai’s bedroom. He did say for me to come in here and stay if Kirk were to come home. So it isn’t like I am exactly intruding on his privacy.
Kai’s room is nothing like I expected. I figured it would be like him—dark and mysterious. His walls are painted an antique white, lined with posters of quotes and lyrics. A canvas hangs above his four-poster bed with the words ‘just breathe’ painted in bold black letters by hand on it.
Spinning around I scan his room and try to unravel the mystery that is Kai Cooper. He has the normal guy stuff on his shelf…a signed baseball, CD’s, DVD’s and video games. A large oak desk sits in front of his window that looks out over the pool in the back yard, what looks to be a hundred notebooks is stacked in the floor against the wall next to it. Those must be his journals or his lyrics maybe.
Taking the top one from the stack carefully, I thumb through the pages. They mostly contain poetry. A picture falls out of Kai and Raven. Wow, they look so young and baby-faced. This had to have been taken around ninth grade. I stick the photo back inside and place his thoughts back in their respective spot.
His closet door is open and I can’t fight the urge to smell his shirts, they smell just so like Kai. His freaking closet seems bigger than my whole house. I am tempted to lie and say Khloe spilled something on me so I have an excuse to wear one of his shirts. What the heck am I thinking? Kai is consuming way too many of my thoughts, everything is Kai this and Kai that it seems. I have to get back in my no boys allowed bubble.
That thought goes away as soon as I feel Kai’s arms wrap around my shoulders. His breath is tickling my ear when he says, “you ready to go Kat?”
I can smell his intoxicating cologne and I can longer form a coherent thought. “What did you say?” I ask feeling stupid, but too high on the feeling of him being so close to me to care too much. I am afraid to move, afraid to say anything else. I don’t know what I want to happen, but I don’t want this feeling to end.
My eyes are closed as I try to commit this feeling to memory before it is over. That is how things go with Kai…one minute I think he will be amazing and sweet but the next he tenses up and turns cold on me.
“Kat there is something I have been wanting to do since sixth grade, but I know it is probably a bad idea,” he says roughly.
Spinning on my heel, I turn facing him. He has a pained expression on his face. Whatever he wants it is ripping him apart.