With her words, I am brought back down to earth. My happy mood is crushed.
“Your dad also mentioned Brian coming by his house when he was last in town. You need to just tell him the truth Aria. If he finds out from anyone other than you it is going to be that much worse.” She slowly rises from her chair and gives me a knowing hug. Her words crush me and the guilt comes rolling back like a freight train striking me in the heart.
I let the flood of tears break through the cracked walls that have been holding my emotions in. I cry for Brian, the time I stole from him and Jace. More tears fall for Tyler. I am scared to feel too much for someone who I can’t have. I cry the hardest for my mom, as she stands in her fragile state holding me up. The thought that I may not have much time left in this life with her scares the shit out of me. She begins talking a lot about death and the all wrongs she has made in her life and how she needs to right them.
“I wasn’t a good mom to you Aria, I gave you terrible advice. It weighs heavily on me.”
“Just don’t. I don’t want to talk about it right now. We’ve made our peace,” I plead with her to drop this conversation.
“Aria…” she starts, but stops, knowing not to push me right now.
I can’t handle this conversation right now. Making the excuse of being hungry, I avoid the rest of the discussion. Truth is, I couldn’t eat now even if I wanted to. I busy myself in the kitchen until I am sure she has turned in for the night. Finally, I am able to sink down into a warm bath and escape my troubles for a while.
I can’t get Tyler and Brian out of my head. When I crawl into bed, I keep seeing both of their faces disappointed in me, hating me, telling me I’m a horrible mother.
At some point I drift to sleep, but not for long.
Jace wakes me in the middle of the night; he had an accident in his bed. Shit! I forgot to put his pull up on him. He has an occasional accident if he has too much water before bedtime. I throw his bedding in the wash and put him in my bed after getting him cleaned up.
I can’t go back to sleep, so I sit in the kitchen drinking coffee while the sun comes up.
Tyler sends me a “good morning sugar tits text” and asks if Jace and I would like to meet him for breakfast.
Seeing my son’s name in the same line with sugar tits is so wrong, I laugh to myself as I get Jace up, dress him for the day, and throw his bedding in the dryer. We meet up with Tyler at a diner near Jace’s daycare, so I can drop him off on my way to work. Jace lights up when he sees Tyler waiting for us in a booth and takes off running for him.
“Hey, little man. Give me five.” He holds his hand out for Jace to smack. Jace gives him all he’s got; Tyler draws his hand back shaking it like it hurt.
“Ouch, that stung a bit Jace. You are so strong. What’s your mom been feeding you, nails?”
Jace looks at Tyler, giving that familiar lopsided grin, making my heart skip a beat. Will he have this connection with Brian when they meet? Tyler gives me a wink, and Jace insists on sitting beside of him.
“Sure you don’t mind?” I don’t want him to think I am trying to get to him through Jace.
“Why wouldn’t I want to sit beside my favorite all star? This kid is going to be one hell of a ball player. Does he get that from you?”
“Definitely not.” I shake my head. “He’s a lot like his D-A-D.”
Tyler frowns but doesn’t say anything.
The waitress brings us our menus. Jace decides to be a stinker and start climbing down out of his seat and going underneath the table.
“Jace,” I say with I clipped tone, “get your rear in a seat and park it.” He’s not having it, and starts laughing. Giving me a “ha-ha, I don’t think so,” smirk.
“Hey Jace, if you be good and listen to your mom, I will take you back to the park sometime. If that’s all right with her.” Jace instantly gets up out of the floor and sits like he is the best behaved kid ever.
We place our orders and talk a little about Faye and what the doctors say about her health until our food arrives. I skillfully nibble my strawberries, drawing Tyler’s attention to my berry stained pout.
He leans across the table. “I’ve got something that would taste better between your lips.” I give him a flirty grin and continue to seduce his senses with my berries.
I give Jace my phone to play with after he finishes his eggs and bacon, he loves listening to music on it.
“So, where is his D-A-D?” Tyler whispers across the table to me. I take a deep breath. His question catches me off guard. No one knows that Brian is Jace’s dad other than my parents and Caroline. I usually avoid the topic when people ask. But I really like Tyler, and I can’t bring myself to lie to him too.
“We were childhood sweethearts. I have known him since grade school. Things were great between us. I hope this conversation isn’t awkward. I like you a lot, but I don’t know if what we’re doing is more than just S-E-X.”
“For now, just be honest. I don’t know where this is headed. You know I wasn’t looking to get involved, but I can’t shake these feelings for you. I told you, Aria, I’m not going anywhere.”
I give Jace some quarters to play the pinball machine in the corner, to allow Tyler and me a moment to talk without his nosy ears listening in.