And if I did it, I’d never have a normal life.
Not that I’d have one if I crossed Maeve and refused to follow through. Maeve would make sure my existence became hell. She might even kill me and send someone else to finish Penny. My little stunt would amount to nothing.
But if I didn’t stab, and kept stringing Maeve along, I might get a few more weeks of normalcy. I could go to classes, have dinner with Penny, watch her date Kaspar, wrestle with these stupid feelings, and whatever else I wanted.
I’d have freedom.
Fuck, I wanted freedom.
Instead, I was trapped.
I gripped the knife. I had to do it. I took deep breaths and walked toward her.
Someone pounded on the door.
I almost screamed in frustration. I went very still. Very quiet. I made no noise. I was a whisper in a cave.
Another knock. Harder, more insistent.
“Penny, open up.” Kaspar’s voice.
Him.
That bastard.
I knew he’d come. I wanted to rage in frustration, while some part of me was relieved.
I could do it still. Slam the knife into Penny’s throat. Kaspar would go away eventually and I’d be left in here with my corpse. My Penny body. Pretty dead pale Penny.
“You’re not answering your phone. I know you’re in there.” Harder knocking. “Open the door, Pen.”
I considered answering. I could tell him she wasn’t around. But it was too late—I’d already ignored him too long. I was committed.
Penny’s mouth opened slightly. Her breath got faster. She made another grunting sound.
How long had it been? Almost an hour of pacing up and down. I should’ve done it right away, but I wasted all this time. God, I was so stupid and weak. I didn’t deserve Maeve’s love.
“I’m coming in.” Kaspar again. The door rattled, then thumped loudly.
He was trying to kick it down.
That psychopath. Penny doesn’t answer her phone for an hour and he’s kicking down her door. I held the knife tight and stared down at my roommate, my only friend, my love.
End it now. Do it.
I wanted to. I hated myself.
The door rattled. Something snapped. Another massive crunch, then the door slammed against the far wall. I held the knife up.
Plunge it down. Do it. End her.
Kaspar came into the room. “Alice.”
I looked back. That was the opening he wanted.
He charged. Faster than I expected. He slammed his shoulder into my side then grabbed my wrists. I struggled and tried to slam the knife into his body. I didn’t care where. I wanted to stab him again and again until he was meat. Until he was chunks.
He punched me in the nose and my head snapped back. I saw stars and heard thunder.
I groaned as my grip on the knife weakened. He punched me again and again until I let it go.
He threw me to the floor and straddled my chest. He threw the knife to the side.
I croaked as his hands wrapped around my throat.
“Why?” he asked, staring at me with pure hate. “You love her.”
“Let go of me.” I could barely speak. His grip tightened, cutting off the air.
“You feel the same way about her that I do. I can see it every time you’re in the room. You want her. You can’t get enough. But she’s mine, Alice. She’s all mine. I don’t know who sent you to kill her, or if you’re doing this on your own, but you won’t get away with it.”
I opened my mouth to speak—to explain that he was wrong, I didn’t care about her like that, I cared about her so much more than he’d ever realize—but nothing came out.
I couldn’t breathe. His fingers bruised my throat.
Penny made a groaning, gagging sound. She rolled to her side and sucked in a breath from her nose.
Kaspar didn’t notice. His face was calm and composed. It was terrifying.
“I understand the game the Oligarchs play. I’m a part of the chess match. But you’re only a little pawn, Alice. And I’m the king. You won’t touch Penny and neither will your boss. I won’t let it happen, not when she’s finally mine.”
My vision went blurry. He was strong, so damn strong. I struggled against him, but I could barely move my arms. I had no power left and everything was getting black. Penny rolled on the bed again, her eyes open, blinking, blinking, staring in confusion at Kaspar. His back was to her—he didn’t notice.
I saw. My Penny. Alive and awake.
Staring in a slow, dawning horror as Kaspar choked me to death.
I was going to die. The thought came unbidden and horrible. The end, end, end. I didn’t want this. Dead before I lived. Locked up with Maeve, then sent to the slaughter.
I was happy I didn’t kill her.
The one good thing I ever did.
My final act.
Did that mean I was redeemed?
Kaspar would keep Penny alive. He’d keep my love alive.