But you did.
“Well…” I glanced down at the image on my screen. “It’s pretty hot. I’m pretty hot—”
“Listen. We’ll erase the videos and the pictures.” I flinched. I didn’t want to erase anything. They were part of our story. Part of us. “And we’ll tone it all down, right? We’ll tone down your clothes and I’ll stop kissing you all over town—”
“I like my clothes.”
“I like your clothes too, but we have to fix this. Fix you.”
All around us Christmas continued. Kids were laughing. The inn was getting saved. But inside…inside I was dying. Slowly. Light by light all my joy was being crushed under his words.
“We’ll say we fell in love while you working here.”
“I thought we did,” I said, through numb lips.
“We won’t mention Vegas.”
“But I already did. You can’t erase Vegas, Ethan. You can’t erase me.”
He looked like I punched him.
“No,” he breathed and I gave the guy credit. He realized he’d gone too far the second the words were out of his mouth. “No. You…you are perfect. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t mean any of that. I was just…reacting.”
I nodded, feeling shell-shocked in my stomach. “You still don’t remember our proposal?”
“It was just the other day. In the workshop. Of course, I remember.”
“No. Our real one. In Vegas.”
He shook his head.
“You were trying to convince me that you were spontaneous. And I didn’t believe you. You let me cut your tie, you said it was your favorite and you just let me cut it. And I said that doesn’t prove anything. And you said, I love you, Lexie. How do I prove that to you. And I said ‘marry me,’ and you said ‘yes,’ and then I woke up alone. But for that night, I really thought you loved me,” I whispered. “And the last few weeks, I really thought you loved me.”
“I do. I swear I do.”
“Not if you want to fix me. My clothes. My stories. My whole life. Maybe I should go to school, too? Learn how to talk better.”
“Lexie, I’m so sorry.”
“Remember what your mom said. That you were going to marry someone who fit into your life, not someone who was your life. You’re trying to fit me into your life. And I was letting you do it. You know? I was just giving in to it. Oh my god.” It all seemed so ridiculous. I was laughing but tears burned hot in my eyes. “I walked in here to get a divorce and you gave me a job. At your family’s inn. Do you see how crazy that is?”
“No.”
“Of course you don’t. You’ve never been shoved into the corners of someone’s life.” I closed my eyes and shook my head. “I thought I knew better. I really did.”
Ben was suddenly standing in the doorway. “Lexie?” he whispered. “We should start the show.”
“We should cancel the show,” Ethan said.
“No way!” Ben cried. “We worked so hard. And—”
“We aren’t canceling the show,” I said, wiping my eyes. “The show must go on, right?”
I wanted to hug Ben but I was suddenly trapped in my body. In the rumors. Trapped in what people thought of me and how the man I loved thought I was something that needed to be fixed.
But Ben, who was braver than me, stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I love sewing club,” he said. “And I think you’re awesome.”
“You’re awesome, too, Ben. Like the awesomest. Now, go wrangle those reindeer.”
Ben was off but suddenly his mother was there and I was absolutely braced for another awful confrontation and I almost crumbled. But then Ben’s mom put her hand out for me to shake. “Hi, I’m Ben’s mom, DeeDee. We haven’t officially met. I just wanted to tell you that Ben thinks the world of you. And so do we. He’s just really blossomed in your club.”
“Thank…thank you.”
“And I am so sorry that your privacy was invaded the way it was. It’s just not right. Or fair. We’ll be back next year and Ben’s asking if you do a summer camp—he’d like to be a part of it. Thank you.”
She squeezed my hand one more time and left, and I let out a slow breath, struggling to keep it all together.
“I’m going to get on that microphone,” Ethan said, quietly. “And tell everyone we’re married.”
“You’ll just make things worse,” I said. But I knew he would do it anyway. He was trapped in his body, too. His way of handling things.
“I’m going to watch from the back,” I said. “I don’t want to distract people from the kids.”
Ethan wanted to ask me more questions, he wanted me to guarantee something. To understand that his heart was in the right place and he’d just said the wrong thing. He wanted me to believe he could fix this. And he could.