Swoon: A Brother's Best Friend Standalone

“No, Z and Aloha had to leave for London today for some big award Aloha is getting, so they met Billie in the hospital.”

“You want to hold her?” Violet asks Colin, since he’s the only one who hasn’t held the baby yet.

“Absolutely,” Colin says, surprising me with his enthusiasm. “Gimme that baby!”

Violet slides the baby into Colin’s tattooed, muscled arms, and the minute he smiles down at her, both my ovaries explode like mini nuclear bombs. This isn’t a run-of-the-mill swoon I’m feeling right now. This is a Code Red Cat Five Hurricane overtaking me.

“Hey there, Billie Goat,” Colin coos at the sleeping angel in his arms, before leaning down and smelling her fuzzy hair. He says something about how good she smells . . . I think? And everyone agrees and starts talking about the scent of a newborn baby being the best one in the world. I think?

Honestly, I can’t be certain what the fuck anyone is saying around me, because the second I saw Colin holding that baby, smiling at that baby, cooing at that baby, my brain melted, right along with my ovaries.

“When Zach was born, I’d sit and smell him for hours, like a total wack job,” Ryan says, laughing.

“Yeah, I did the same with Jackson,” Dax says.

I clear my throat. “How many kids do you have, Ryan?”

“Two for now,” Ryan says. “Zachary and Claire. Hopefully, we’ll have another one on the way soon. We’ve been working on it, diligently.” He grins.

Lord have mercy.

No wonder Ryan Morgan is Colin’s Master Yoda! The man is sheer perfection. Insanely gorgeous. Clearly, comfortable in his skin. Charming and confident, while somehow not coming across as cocky. And he wants more babies? I feel like I need the crash cart.

Ryan addresses Keane. “Have you finished shooting the third season yet, Peenie?”

Keane nods. “We wrapped a couple weeks ago.”

“Lucky timing,” Ryan replies.

“Yeah, it was perfect. This way, Mad Dog and I can both stay home with Billie for three months. After that, Maddy’s got a couple cool projects lined up in New York, so Billie and I will travel with her for that stuff. And when we get back, it’ll be perfect timing for me to start shooting the fourth season.”

“I didn’t know you’d already gotten picked up for another season,” Ryan says. “Congrats, Peenie!”

Keane laughs. “We got picked up for three more seasons. Guaranteed.”

“What?” Ryan gets up and hugs his younger brother, effusively, while the room congratulates him. Once seated again, Ryan bats his brother’s thigh. “So, are we gonna see more of your character in future seasons? I’m sick of having to fast-forward through all those other storylines to get to yours.”

Violet adds, “I second that. I hope the producers have noticed what a fan favorite you are, Keaney. It’s all over the internet. People want to see more of you.”

Maddy snorts. “Do you hear that, honey? People want to see more of you.”

“Well, ‘people’ are gonna be in luck, then!” Keane booms, and the pair chuckles. Keane continues, “Actually, they’re gonna see a whole lot more of me throughout the third season, culminating in me doing the Full Monty in episode six!”

The room explodes with questions, prompting Keane to confirm, “Yep. You can see every inch of The Talented Mr. Ripley. The camera lingers on him in excellent lighting.”

Ryan seems annoyed with his younger brother. But Keane only laughs and transforms into Ball Peen Hammer before my eyes. “Yee-boy!” he bellows. “Money, fame, power! It’ll all be mine, thanks to that lingering shot of my peen!”

“He’s not wrong,” Maddy says. “It’s a great career move. Plus, I think it’s great Keane’s challenging societal norms regarding male versus female nudity. People get so uptight about male nudity—somehow, that’s shocking and rated X—and yet, everywhere we look, we see female bodies on display, used to sell every product under the sun. If you ask me, Keane is doing a great thing normalizing male nudity.”

“I’m doing God’s work,” Keane says reverently. “One lingering dong-shot at a time.”

“Keane, the internet is forever,” Ryan says. “People are gonna get crafty and press pause at the exact right second, and then screen shots of your dong will be everywhere.”

“Nobody’s gonna need to ‘get crafty,’ son,” Keane replies proudly. “A person could have the most delayed reflexes in the world and still get a perfect head shot of The Talented Mr. Ripley.” Keane snickers. “See what I did there? I’ve been a dad for less than a week, and my dad jokes are already on point.”

“Exactly how long is this lingering shot in ‘excellent lighting,’ Peenie?” Dax interjects.

Fish adds, “Count it off for us.”

“Why don’t I show you, instead?” Keane says, standing.

“No!” Violet blurts, averting her eyes.

Keane bursts out laughing. “Not like that. I have a rough cut of the episode on my laptop. Due to the, ahem, sensitive nature of the scene, I got final approval of the edit.”