“I’d give anything to hear Colin say to me what Jackson just did,” I admit.
“Maybe he will,” Alessandra says hopefully. “If you say it first?”
I shake my head. “If that’s how Colin is feeling, he wouldn’t have lied to my brother last night. I know he cares about me. I know he’s having fun with me. But casual is all he’s willing to give me.”
“And that’s not enough for you,” Violet says.
“No. Not anymore. Not nearly enough.”
Violet nods. “What I’m about to say might sound harsh, but I’m only saying it because I’ve been in your exact shoes with Daxy and done precisely what I’m about to suggest to you.”
I look at her expectantly, already certain I’ll do whatever this gorgeous woman instructs, if it’d give me the slightest chance of winding up with Colin the way she’s wound up with Dax.
Violet levels me with fierce, blue eyes. “You need to come clean with Colin about your feelings, without holding back, as soon as possible, and let the chips fall where they may.”
Shoot. I suspected she was going to say that.
Violet continues, “You should give Colin a fair chance to respond, of course. But if that stupid man doesn’t fully reciprocate your feelings in a way that honestly feels like enough to you, if he stops short of giving you what you know, down deep, your heart needs to be happy, then you should end your ‘arrangement’ on the spot and leave Colin’s house.”
I nod, but I’m trembling.
“Colin’s not the best at processing his feelings quickly,” Violet says. “Even when it comes to stuff with the band, he’s always the one who needs more time than the other guys to think about different opportunities and offers. And from what I’ve seen, he’s even slower to process in his personal life. It’s not you, Amy. Colin is a tough nut to crack. So, my suggestion is you should tell him what you’re feeling, give him the chance to respond, and if he’s not giving you what you need, then leave and give him time to process his emotions—while discovering exactly what it feels like to lose you for good.”
“I agree with everything Violet’s said,” Maddy chimes in. “I’ve been in your shoes, too—with Keane.” She looks down at Billie in her arms. “And I’m positive I wouldn’t be here now, if I hadn’t drawn a line in the sand with that man.”
I look down at the top of Jackson’s head and discover he’s fallen asleep in my arms, with his little cheek pressed against my breast, and full clarity slams into me. As much as I’m dreaming of a future with Colin, I need to be willing to let him go, for real this time, if he’s certain he can’t imagine a future with me. I love Colin. But he’s not the only man in the world. And if he’s not willing to love me, out in the open, the way I deserve, to shout about his love for me from the rooftops, to proudly tell our families about us and introduce me to everyone we meet as his girlfriend, then I need to find someone who will.
“I’m going to follow your advice, to a T,” I say. “I’ll do it tonight.”
Maddy smiles at me kindly. “If things don’t go the way you’re hoping and Colin starts sending you texts and voicemails over the next few days, I’d suggest you ghost him for a little bit.”
“Yep,” Violet says.
“You’re both here in LA,” Maddy adds. “If he has something important to say to you, let him say it to you, in person.”
Violet touches my arm. “If you wind up leaving Colin’s place tonight, come stay with me. We’ve got an empty guest house for you.”
“Thank you. It’s so sweet of you to offer. But if things don’t go well with Colin tonight, I won’t want to stay where he’ll likely come around. I’ll want to give myself some time to lick my wounds, without seeing him for a week or so.”
“Do you have somewhere else you can go?”
I nod. “A couple friends have said I can crash at their places, anytime.”
We talk a bit more about Colin and my strategy, until Violet shifts the topic.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you,” Violet says to me. “I hope this isn’t a weird time to bring this up . . . I know I’m not what you’ve had in mind during your job search, but would you consider working for me?” When my lips part in surprise, Violet elaborates. She says I’d be working for her, personally, not for Dax—at her house. She says she’s been wanting a full-time assistant/right-hand woman for some time now but hasn’t pulled the trigger yet because she’s been skittish about hiring a stranger to enter her family’s home and life. “But I trust you completely, Amy,” she says. “And I know you’d be perfect for the job I have in mind.”