Everything hurt.
My body.
My mind.
My soul.
It’s over, I thought.
I’m still alive.
I had survived the worst, and I was still breathing.
But if I thought the nightmare was over, I was sorely mistaken.
Because my father and Otto had only just started with me.
A ghostly shiver runs up my spine at the vivid memory, and I push back another rise of nausea and squeeze my eyes shut as I wait for it to pass.
When I open them again, I see the murderous look in Doc’s eyes. His teeth are gritted, and his nostrils are flared, but he says nothing.
Instead, he reaches out and pulls me into his chest, and his strong arms come around me as if he can somehow protect me from my past. But he can’t.
He presses a kiss into my hair.
“I’ve got you,” he says calmly.
I nod against the warmth of his chest, and exhausted, I let myself fall apart in the safety of his arms.
DOC
I’m going to break him apart, piece by piece.
I’m going to make him feel agony in every single cell of his body.
And when I’m done with him, I’m going to do the same thing to Max Stonecypher.
Only slower.
I don't move as her words gut me from the inside out, fighting the roar building in my chest.
I’ve never known a feeling like it.
The fury.
The blind rage.
I force my heart to be calm, so Lily doesn’t see what her words are doing to me because I don’t want her to see. Or know. She needs to see that I’ve got this, that her words aren’t poisoning me with agonizing grief.
When she begins to cry, I hold her in my arms, wanting to absorb the pain from her. I want to pull it from her and carry it with me instead.
When I think about what she went through…
… what they did to her…
I want to rain down fire and brimstone and watch the life slowly ebb from both their eyes.
Somehow, I keep it all in. I don’t let Lily see how it affects me because this isn’t about me. It’s about her and what those monsters did to her. Not about me and how it makes me feel.
At the same time, my rage is like venom—it’s hot, toxic, and poisonous—and it is not going anywhere.
There is a lot to process for both of us. In the meantime, all I can do is hold her and let her know that she’s safe. Securing her in my arms, I hold her tighter as she cries, and my anger rages silently inside me when I feel her body tremble against mine.
Eventually, she falls asleep. I carefully lay her back on the bed, cover her gently, and kiss her forehead. Then, quietly grabbing my keys off the dresser, I slip from the bedroom, making my way to the bar where Dolly is chewing TJ out for being late.
Both ladies look at me when I walk in.
“Do me a favor and keep an eye on Lily?” I ask Dolly.
“Sure thing, sugar. You okay? You look meaner than a cut snake.”
“I’m going for a ride, but I’ll be back in an hour.”
I need to ride off this rage.
“You sure that’s a good idea? Last I heard, Jack wants everyone to stick close to home after what happened to Venom.”
Dolly is a mama bear. We’re all her boys, and she won’t let a chance to mother us go by, and unfortunately, one of those moments is right now.
But I’ve got somewhere I need to be.
“I’m not going far.”
It’s a lie.
I’m going to my secret place, which is at least thirty-five miles into the mountain. I have to go. The pull is too strong to ignore, but Dolly doesn’t need to know those details.
“Lily is asleep, but if she wakes up, I don’t want her to be alone. You okay to check on her for me?”
“Consider it done, sweetheart.” She gives me a curious look. “You sure there isn’t something you need to tell me?”
I don’t answer because I don’t want to get into it. Instead, I put on my shades and head out to the parking lot, where my bike is parked at the end of the row. Climbing on board, I bring her to life with a flick of my thumb and tear off into the late afternoon sun.
The moment the wind hits my skin, I feel myself relax.
Except, it’s short-lived because then I think of what Otto did to Lily and my body tenses with rage.
He violated her.
Did what no man should do to anyone.
I try to breathe it out. Let it go by taking deep breaths, and after a few minutes, I’m able to clear my mind. But there’s a buzz in the back of my head. A little voice whispering to me, a voice that has been trying to get my attention since Lily told me. One that I didn’t want to listen to because I don’t want to face the possibility.