“Well, you said you’ve met, right?”
“Just once or twice. Formal dinner things,” Caelan replied, trying to keep things vague in case the military really was listening to them.
“That’s it?”
“Yep.”
“Did you…you know…hit it off?”
Caelan froze, his mind desperately trying to figure out why Drayce wanted to know that. It was so unexpected. Drayce had never inquired about his personal life like this—though that was usually because Drayce was involved in his personal life.
But dating, that was different. They’d never discussed dating or sex or any of it. The most they’d covered was that Caelan liked men, and that had only come up when Drayce had asked his opinion on a woman. Not an area Caelan felt comfortable commenting on.
“What do you mean? He seemed okay, I guess. A little pompous, but you kind of expect that considering his family. He was nice.”
“I think I remember him being hot too. Older. Maybe he could be a daddy—”
Caelan groaned and tried to shove away from Drayce, but his friend tightened his hold, keeping him in place as he laughed.
“I’m joking! I’m joking!” Drayce cried out.
Caelan growled. “Not funny. I’m not hunting for some older guy to take control of my life or tell me what to do or whatever.” He reluctantly settled into place against Drayce and found himself relaxing when his friend threaded his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp.
“I guess I kind of wondered if you and he had ever hooked up or talked about a future. Because of your families.” Drayce’s voice was light, as if he were trying for nonchalance, but there was something else there that made Caelan think that his answer really mattered to his friend.
“No, seriously. We haven’t talked more than a total of twenty minutes in all the times we’ve met. And the future never came up.”
“What about your mom?”
Caelan twisted so he could stare up at Drayce in the eye as he smiled. “What? Him and my mom?”
“No!” Drayce tugged on Caelan’s hair and moved him back into place. “Did your mom ever try to pressure you into something with him?”
Caelan shook his head and replied drily, “Mom wasn’t the type to force a union.”
Drayce’s chest jumped with a silent laugh. “Yeah, your mom wasn’t a big fan of marriage.”
“I get it, though. She was the first woman to do her job. She didn’t want a man to muddy the waters.”
It still struck Caelan as shocking that Amara had been the first queen to rule Erya absolutely. Prior to his mother, there had been a long line of kings who had taken men and women as consorts. But in all the centuries, she’d been the first daughter to ascend to the throne. He’d always thought his mother refused to marry because she was afraid that people might turn to her husband as a decision maker. She wanted to be the one true power on the throne.
But had it meant that she was lonely?
Some of the anger that bubbled in him toward his mother’s refusal to tell him anything finally gave way to sadness and regret. Caelan hated to admit it, but he honestly had no idea if his mother had been lonely or happy. He’d seen so little of his mother when he was growing up and he’d seen even less that he would describe as emotional. Queen Amara had been about control. She’d wanted her son to be strong and prepared for the world ahead of him. She’d wanted him to be surrounded by people he could trust. But there had been no talk of love and happiness.
“Why do you ask?”
Drayce shrugged under Caelan’s head. “I was thinking about what Andy said, and it got me wondering. We never talked about dating. Since we spent so much time together, I guess I kind of assumed that…you didn’t, but maybe you did and I didn’t know it. Or maybe you didn’t because something had already been arranged.”
Caelan shook his head. “No. No arrangements.”
“And the other?”
This time, it was Caelan’s turn to shrug. How was he supposed to explain to his friend that he didn’t date, that he’d never fucking tried to? It had been hard enough being the Crown Prince of Erya. How was he supposed to meet someone and warn them about the epic amount of background checks that awaited them if they wanted to see the prince socially?
And if it didn’t work out? Everyone was going to be all too happy to talk about the prince’s dating fail. Would they wonder if something was wrong with him?
The idea of the gossip that would swirl if he ever attempted sex made him sick to his stomach. How was he ever going to meet someone he trusted enough to make himself vulnerable in such a way? And that was assuming he ever got over his infatuation with Drayce.