Heath’s body stiffens next to mine. He wanted something else, yet this is the best I could offer him.
Will he accept my closeness or will he hurt me for trying to help?
Chapter thirteen
My world has been turned upside down by the desperate need I feel to ruin my body with drugs.
I never knew how dependent I was on the shit until now that it’s been taken away from me. But it’s too late—the effect they have on me is wearing off and turning me into an evil bastard.
I can’t even bring myself to think back to what I did. Hurting Rain was something I swore I’d never do, and yet I had my fingers wrapped around her throat last night, holding her in a death-grip. She still bears the evidence of my anger, with yellowish purple marks on her neck. It fills me with shame every time I risk looking at my beautiful captive.
Tonight, I’m caught in a half-delirious state that’s rendered me so desperate for the poison I depend on, I’d do any-fucking-thing to get my hands on some.
Rain is in the room. Usually I can feel her electric presence, but today I’m too numb to feel anything but the pain of going cold turkey.
“Please, Heath,” she pleads with me. “Just be reasonable. You know you have to stop.”
“Fuck reason,” I hiss, approaching her menacingly. “Tell me where you put the fucking drugs.”
“Don’t you dare hurt her, Heath,” comes a voice from the other end of the door of the room we’re locked in. We both glance toward it. L is on the other side, eager to get inside, but Rain insists she’ll deal with me on her own. While I admire her strength, it also means she’s the sole recipient of my anger right now. And I am fucking pissed.
“Shut the fuck up,” I snarl at the door.
“Remember who you are. Remember who she is. How much you love her.”
“Shut up!” I scream, pressing my palms over my ears to block out the insistent sirens going off in my mind. “Just shut the fuck up already. I can’t take it anymore!”
It takes minutes of my frenzied screams before I realize the room is deathly quiet now. I’m the only making noise. This makes me even angrier. I know I’m being irrational. But it’s so fucking hard to see Rain and L as anything but my enemies right now.
“Give me my fucking stuff,” I demand again, approaching Rain until only a few inches separate us. “I want my goddamn drugs, and I want them now. Where the fuck did you put them, bitch?”
She doesn’t flinch, just shakes her head. “I’m sorry, Heath. I can’t help you.”
“Bitch!” I roar to life, launching myself at her. I slam her against the wall and she lets out the smallest whimper. The sound of wood cracking interrupts and I turn my head to the side just in time to see Liberato bursting through the now broken door.
“Get your goddamn hands off her,” he snarls. “Are you fucking insane? She’s the woman you love, hermano.”
“She’s the one who won’t give me what I need,” I hiss. “She’s the one keeping my drugs hidden!”
“No,” L interrupts, shaking his head as he quickly glances at Rain. “She’s not. I am. I’m forcing you to do this.”
In my fucking confusion, I don’t know what’s true anymore. Which one of the voices should I believe? Liberato wouldn’t lie to me, but the demanding screaming inside my head refuses to listen.
“Give them back,” I bark. “Now!”
I launch myself at my friend, but he deflects my clumsy blow. Going cold turkey has made my reflexes fucked up, and I don’t lunge fast enough when he punches. The hit sends me spinning, groaning as I spit out blood.
“Bastard,” I manage weakly. As much as I hate admitting it to myself, I’m fucking useless right now, being weaned off the drugs. I don’t have my usual strength and my goddamn head is all over the place. I’d be of no use in a fight. “I’ll keep coming at you as long as I have to.”
But in contrast to my words, instead of throwing myself at L yet again, I drop to my knees. Rain rushes to my side, cradling me as I groan. This pain is unbearable. It feels like I’m coming apart at the seams, breaking gruesomely until my insides are exposed.
Rain doesn’t let any of that bother her, though. She holds me close even as I scream, motioning for Liberato to leave the room. Reluctantly, he dips out. The hole where the door used to be gapes into the hallway.
Rain slowly coaxes me up and onto the bed. The sheets are soaked with sweat, but the comfort of the soft mattress is a welcome relief. This is fucking with my head. I don’t know where I am or what I’m doing half the time. My mind is just consumed by the need to get high, get my next hit. And I know neither Rain nor Liberato will cave in. Something I’ll appreciate when this is all over… but it’s driving me insane right now.