Lingerie Wars (Invertary 1)

“‘Here lies Betty McLeod, she was a misunderstood woman. Talented beyond the pale. A beauty of her generation. And smarter than most of the folk in Invertary. She will be sorely missed’,” he read out loud.

There was a birth date, but the death was blank. He looked over at Kirsty to see her grinning widely. He found himself grinning back at her.

“Betty’s grave,” she told him. “She said she couldn’t trust anyone to get it right when she was gone. So she did it herself. She had a local artist sculpt that.” She pointed at the monstrosity. “She gave him photos from Braveheart and posed for her part, much to his distress.”

Lake started to laugh.

“Thought you’d like to see what she did with the money you paid for the shop,” Kirsty said.

Lake shook his head with wonder.

“It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen,” he said.

“I know.” Kirsty started to giggle. “But don’t tell Betty. It’s her baby.

“Come on.” She held out her hand. “There’s something else I want to show you.”

Lake took her hand, surprised that she offered it and held on tight as she picked her way round the side of the church. She pointed at a white box on the wall beside the main doors to the sanctuary.

“That’s the town swear box,” she said. “The vicar’s idea. You’re supposed to trek up here when you swear and put in some money.” She giggled. “It was a fundraiser for the new roof.”

“Did he make any money fr

om it?”

“You’d be surprised how much. Invertary is a weird wee town.”

“You don’t have to tell me that.”

She smacked him playfully on his stomach. Apparently it was okay for her to diss the town, but not for him. She wove her way round the bushes on the other side of the church, through a clearing, and headed for a small, round stone building. It wasn’t very wide; it was tall and cylindrical with a domed roof. Lake frowned at the place.

“This is George MacGregor’s folly,” she said.

As they got closer, Lake grinned wider.

“He was a rich developer during the Victorian era and had a thing for astronomy. He built this to get a better look at the stars.”

“You know what it looks like, right?”

Kirsty gave him a wicked smile.

“Everyone knows what it looks like,” she told him. “Everyone except Caroline. She doesn’t think like that.”

“There’s no thinking involved, just observing. The man who built this was building a memorial to his...”

“...Penis.” She pushed open the door. “I know. Don’t tell Caroline. She worked hard to get this place restored. It would break her heart.”

Lake shook his head. He really wasn’t sure how Caroline couldn’t already know.

“She must see it. She’s pulling your leg.”

Kirsty shook her head vehemently.

“No, she isn’t.”

Lake let it drop. Especially as he was now standing in the centre of the narrow, phallic building holding Kirsty Campbell’s hand. He had better things to think about.

“See?” She pointed upwards.