Here Comes the Rainne Again (Invertary 6)

Every hand in the room went up.

“To stab someone,” Joe amended, and all the hands went down again.

“Someone needs to go fetch Lake,” Kirsty said again. “We need him.”

Joe noticed the redhead had folded her arms in an attempt to hide her trembling hands.

“We’ll go,” the twins said at the same time.

“No. Absolutely not.” Were they trying to get him killed? “If I let Grunt’s wife go out into danger, he’ll kill me.”

“And I suppose it’s fine to let me go on my own? What do you think I am? The disposable twin?” Megan put her fists on her hips and glared at him.

“There’s a good chance we’re all going to die while you lot stand around arguing,” Margaret said.

“Thanks for that cheery thought, Mum,” Kirsty said.

“Magenta can go with Megan,” Joe said, pointing to the moody goth.

“No,” Margaret said. “We need Magenta here. She has skills that might come in handy.”

“Like what?” demanded the goth. “I’m a caving expert. Does it look like we’re underground?”

“You could rappel o

ff the side of the building. You know what to do with ropes. You have skills. Survival skills. We might need them. You stay.” Margaret used her no-argument voice.

Magenta rolled her eyes.

“Look, the longer we stand around arguing, the less chance we have of anyone getting out of here to fetch help. I’m going with my sister.” Claire gave Joe the same look she gave her husband when she was being stubborn. It had no effect on him. He was pretty sure you had to be having sex with her for it to work.

“No. You’re not,” Joe said.

“Yes. I am. Which puts you in a bad position, Joe, because if I go Grunt will kill you, and if Megan goes alone and anything happens to her, I will kill you.”

“Or at least get Grunt to do it,” Megan amended. “Either way, you’re Grunt food.”

“Fuck.”

“Language!” Heather Donaldson shouted. She turned to her daughters. “I don’t like the idea of you two going outside. We don’t know what’s out there. We don’t know who’s waiting. It’s dangerous.”

Joe pointed at Heather. “What she said.”

“Suck up,” Megan told him. “Mum, we’re the best option. You lot are too old and will never be able to run in the snow.” She motioned to the retired women of Knit Or Die.

“Thanks a lot!” Shona snapped.

“Caroline is pregnant. Kirsty is getting married tomorrow,” Megan carried on, as though Shona’s outburst was irrelevant. “Magenta is too conspicuous, as she’s dressed in her usual black, and hello, we’re surrounded by white. Jena is too accident prone; she’ll knock herself out before she gets anywhere. Abby has a kid and two more on the way.” She eyed the huge belly. “Possibly any day now,” she added. “And Julia has been hiding behind the ficus for the duration of the party. We all know if she’s confronted by a scary guy, she’ll just pass out. No offence, Julia.”

“None taken,” squeaked the ficus.

“Oh, for goodness’ sake,” Margaret said to the huge plant in the corner. “I thought working for Lake these past months would give you some confidence.” She turned to Kirsty. “She isn’t any better now than she was when she worked for that television producer.”

“She’s doing great.” Abby scowled at Margaret. “Don’t mind them, Julia. You’re doing great.”

“Lake says you’re the best assistant he’s ever had,” Kirsty added.

Joe pinched the bridge of his nose. They were giving him a migraine. “Ladies, there are men with guns out there. How about we focus on what’s important here?”