Here Comes the Rainne Again (Invertary 6)

Caroline’s shoulders went back, a sure sign someone was going to get a lecture.

“Mitch bought it for Josh years ago. He said Josh would never find a wife because he was already in love with himself. He told Josh this doll could solve all his problems, as he could take himself to bed.”

“That is kind of funny,” Heather said with a grin. “And smart.”

“Is it anatomically correct?” Jena asked, and again all eyes turned to her. She shrugged. “It’s a sex doll. Top of the line, custom made. It should have all its bits.”

“I need to check.” Shona reached for the doll.

“No.” Caroline shoved herself between the women and the doll. “Hands off. That’s my husband we’re talking about. No one is seeing his private parts.”

“Technically, that isn’t your husband,” Abby said. “It’s a toy.”

“A sex toy,” Jena said, entertaining herself.

“Do you have three-ways with the doll and Josh?” Shona asked.

“Ooooh, no!” Caroline’s horror was clear.

“Still, you can’t tell me that the first thing you did when you saw it was pull down his pants to compare?” Jean inched towards the doll.

Caroline went into prim mode. Her back was ramrod straight. “I have never taken the clothes off the doll. If it was up to me it would be in the bin, but it has sentimental value for Josh.”

“Are you sure that’s the only kind of value it has for him?” Shona asked.

“I think this is taking narcissism a bit too far,” Margaret said. “I worry about that boy.”

“It was a gift.” Caroline was clearly irritated now. “One he didn’t ask for. One he doesn’t play with. And no one is taking the trousers off the doll. Don’t think I can’t see you sneaking towards him, Jean.” She put her hand up to stop the woman.

“Killjoy,” the older woman muttered before backing off.

“Him?” Jena asked with a smirk.

“It! I mean it.” Caroline looked like she was going to explode.

“Why is it in the dumb waiter?” Jena asked.

“Josh didn’t want to store it in the cellar with everything else, and I didn’t want it in the bedroom. This was a compromise.” She sighed. “I was kind of hoping it’d fall down the shaft and I’d never see it again.”

Kirsty came up to put her arm around Caroline. “Stop teasing her. She’s with child and shouldn’t be stressed.”

As one, the women looked contrite.

“Quite right,” Kirsty’s mum said. “We’re sorry, Caroline. I’d hate it if someone went poking around in my bedroom cupboards.”

“Why?” Shona asked. “What you got hidden in there?”

“Please!” Kirsty held up her hands to stop her mother. “If you love your only daughter even a little, please don’t answer that.”

The grin on Margaret’s face was mischievous. “I love you very much. These lips are sealed.”

“You’ll tell us later?” Shona said.

Her mum tried to nod without Kirsty seeing her. Kirsty just groaned.

“Okay.” Joe took charge again, now that the shock of finding the doll had worn off. “If you lot are finished ogling fake Josh, let’s get the dumb waiter sealed up.”

“It doesn’t work anyway,” Caroline said.