Calamity Jena (Invertary 4)

His eyes shot open as the twins told his mum off for swearing. His mum gave him a quick hug. “Don’t worry, son—we’ll take good care of her. After all, she’s about to become family.” And with the first smile he’d seen on her face since her husband died, she followed Grunt to his car.

Matt watched the ambulance until it disappeared. When he looked away from it, it was to find half the men in Invertary watching him, waiting for orders. He nodded his thanks.

“There’s been a sighting,” Harry said. “The domino boys saw Frank near the loch. They’re keeping an eye out.”

Matt took a deep breath. “Jason, Rusty, you follow the Glasgow boys to the hospital and hand them over to the local cops.”

The men nodded and left.

“Pete, Dougal, you two rope this area off. I don’t want anyone near it.”

“No problem,” Dougal said as he rolled up the sleeves of his surprisingly white shirt. Although he had teamed it with bright red tartan trousers, so he was still Dougal.

“The rest of you are with me,” Matt said. “Time for this to end.”

Grimly, the men climbed into their vehicles.

40

The men of Invertary and the women of Knit or Die, who weren’t ones to be left out, lined up along the shore of the loch. They watched in stunned bemusement as the most stupid visitor ever to come to the Highlands tried to escape by boat.

“Does he know this is a loch?” Josh watched Frank power away on the tiny motorboat.

Frank flashed a one-fingered salute to the watching crowd.

“There isn’t even a road over the other side,” Harry said. “There are only bushes, badass cows and old Gilbert’s hunting lodge.”

“He said he’s going to Glasgow.” Archie, one of the domino boys, took off his cap and scratched his head in wonder.

“Did anyone tell him a loch is basically a big puddle?” Harry said. “There is no exit. The idiot is landlocked. If he’s trying to get to Glasgow, it’s going to take him a while.”

Archie shrugged. “Might as well go get a bite to eat, then.”

The ancient domino boys headed for the pub.

“This is disappointing,” Matt said. “I really wanted to hit him.”

“You can still hit him,” Lake said. “You just need to wait until he figures out he can’t do anything but go round in circles. He’ll come back to town when he gets hungry.”

“Do you think the idiot will come back or try to walk through the gorse on the other side of the loch?” Josh said.

“Frank isn’t known for his brain, but he likes his shoes,” Joe said. “Kept telling me they cost more than my life was worth. He won’t damage his shoes.”

The men stood watching the boat in awe.

“I feel a bit lost now,” Matt said. “I was all worked up to hit the guy. It’s a bit of a letdown.”

Mitch patted him on the back. “If it helps, I’ll lend you Josh later on. He can wind you up until you’re ready to strike out again.”

“Happy to oblige,” Josh said.

Matt sighed and looked at Lake. “I’m going to the hospital. Can you deal with this?” He pointed in the direction of the idiot on the water.

“I’ll call when he runs out of petrol for the motor.” Lake’s lip twitched.

“The bomb site is under control,” Matt said. “The fire crew are there, but I’ll tell them to call you if they need anything.”

Lake nodded.