Goody Two Shoes (Invertary 2)

Her haughty look made him want to do wicked things to her body. The more superior Caroline behaved, the more he wanted to make her pant. And after yesterday’s kiss, Josh couldn’t wait to get his hands on her again. He’d pin her down and tease her until she made those little whimpering noises that drove him out of his mind.

“There’s the minister.” Caroline distracted him from his plans.

“Good, you’re here.” The guy was the double of Ed Asner. “I thought you’d chicken out and run.”

“You know better than that,” Caroline told him.

“Not you.” The minister pointed a knobbly finger at Josh. “Him.”

“You know you look exactly like that editor in The Mary Tyler Moore Show, right?” They stared at him blankly. “Cultural differences. I get it. Lead on, Ed, we’re eager to get started.

“And get it over with,” he mumbled.

They traipsed through the old stone church and into a small room lined with dog-eared books. There was a circle of mismatched wooden chairs placed on the faded purple carpet. The vicar sat on the only chair with a cushion. Caroline and Josh sat side by side opposite him, on chairs that creaked when they moved.

“So…” Reverend Morrison studied them. “You two want to get married. Tell me, Josh McInnes, famous singer and American playboy, what’s in it for you?”

“I resent the playboy label. I only ran around when I was a kid.”

The minister smiled like he knew better.

Josh resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “What’s in it for me? A great wife. A family. What else is there?”

The minister grunted. “Do you two know anything about each other?”

“We know the basics.” Caroline glanced at Josh for confirmation. “Josh had his friend investigate me, and I looked him up in the library database.”

“I’m sure that was very informative. Next you’ll be telling me you did one of those personality tests they have in women’s magazines.” He glared at them for a moment, and Josh felt like he was back in kindergarten. “You two don’t know each other at all. It’s time to rectify that. Tell me, where do you plan to live after the wedding?”

“LA,” Josh said at the same time as Caroline said, “Here.”

“See what I mean?” The minister took his glasses off the end of his nose and polished them.

Caroline frowned as she folded her hands in her lap. Her back got even straighter. Josh saw a flicker of determination in her eyes that worried him.

“How many kids do you want?” The vicar perched his glasses back on his nose.

“Four,” Josh said as Caroline said, “Two.”

“This is more fun than I thought it would be.” Reverend Morrison chuckled. “Okay, try this one. Will Caroline keep her job after the marriage?”

“I don’t think so,” Josh said as Caroline said, “Of course.”

She turned towards him. “What do you mean you don’t think so?”

Josh knew enough about women to recognise an open can of worms when he saw it. He tried to come up with the most diplomatic answer.

“It might be a bit far to commute when we’re living in LA.”

“I don’t want to live in LA. We have a nice castle here. I don’t see why we can’t stay here.”

“My work is mainly in the States.” He used his most conciliatory tone.

The minister sat back, stretched his legs out in front of him and folded his arms. He looked like he was enjoying the show.

“And my work is here,” Caroline told Josh.

“Yes, but…” Josh had the good sense to stop talking.