Goody Two Shoes (Invertary 2)

Caroline felt her shoulders sag with relief. “I’m going to London next week and I’ll have them send a couple of options to you.” She smiled sheepishly. “I have a dress fitting at Harrods.”

Her best friend grinned. “Now there’s a sentence I never thought you would say.”

“Yeah, it’s right up there with ‘I’m marrying a world-famous singer.’”

The women looked at each other and burst out laughing.

By 7:28 p.m. the church hall was packed to capacity. Every seat was taken. People were crammed into the aisles, and the double doors were wide open so that those in the corridor could take part in the meeting. Caroline nodded to the domino boys, who were on door duty. She signalled to her watch. It was time to close the main doors and get ready for the meeting.

Josh bumped his shoulder into hers. “Don’t you think it was a bit over the top to confiscate everyone’s phones?”

He was sprawled out in one of the wooden chairs that had been set out in a row on the platform at the front of the room. His legs were straight out in front of him, ankles crossed, his arms folded. He looked about five seconds away from taking a nap. It made Caroline sit even straighter in her chair as she ground her teeth together.

“I don’t want any pictures or videos.”

He had on jeans and grey sneakers, but in deference to the occasion he was wearing a plain black T-shirt and black suit jacket. Yet again he made her look like she shopped at Goodwill, which she couldn’t complain about as it was pretty much true.

“You should let people take their pictures. It makes them happy.”

“Are you upset because you aren’t getting your photo taken, Josh? Is this about your poor wee ego?”

“I don’t have a poor wee ego.”

“You can say that again. There’s nothing wee about your ego.”

She looked at her watch. 7:30. Dougal, the unofficial town mayor, gave her a thumbs-up as Caroline took her position behind the lectern.

“Thank you all for coming.” Caroline shuffled her notes in front of her. “We have a bit of a situation that will affect everyone in town, and I need your help with it.” She took a quiet breath; she didn’t want anyone to know that she felt nervous. “First of all, Josh McInnes.” She pointed at Josh, just in case they weren’t sure whom she was talking about. He waved. “Josh and I are getting married.” There was a stunned silence. Caroline leaned closer to the microphone. “To each other,” she clarified.

Everyone started talking at once. Caroline waited patiently for calm to resume, watching the amazement pass through the room like a Mexican wave at a football match.

Dougal came up beside her and angled

the mic towards himself. “Settle down! We’ve got a lot to get through. You can all gossip later.” He turned to Caroline. “Carry on, lass.”

“Thanks, Dougal.” Caroline was confident she could have managed the noise in the room by herself. “As I was saying, we’re getting married two weeks from now, here in Invertary.”

“We didn’t even know you were seeing each other,” a man at the back shouted.

“We weren’t.”

“So you just decided to get wed,” someone else called out.

“Yes.” The noise level grew. Caroline tapped the microphone. “I’m not finished. Sit down and listen.” As usual, everyone did as they were told. “Josh and I had planned on keeping this a secret until closer to the wedding day. Unfortunately, an unscrupulous individual has contacted the press here, and in Glasgow, to tip them off about the wedding.”

“Betty!” Several peopled shouted.

Betty McCloud climbed up onto the chair she’d been sitting on and glared around the room. The eighty-six-year-old was wearing one of her tartan tent dresses and, as usual, she’d forgotten her false teeth. “I did not tell the press about the wedding.” She rummaged around in her pocket. She gave a triumphant look when she came out with her teeth and popped them in her mouth.

“Yeah, right,” Archie called out. “If there’s trouble around here, you’re always behind it.”

Betty looked quite proud of that before she growled at the domino boy. “If I was going to call the press, I wouldn’t have rung the local rag. I’d have gone straight to the entertainment section at the BBC. What do you think I am? An amateur? If I wanted the press here, they’d be here already. Plus, I only just found out about the wedding, same as you. And I’ll be having a word with Kirsty and Lake about that oversight as soon as this meeting is done.”

“She’s got a point,” someone said. “Betty would have had the national press out before anyone noticed it’d happened. It can’t have been her.”

There were quite a lot of nodding heads.

“On the other hand.” Betty flashed a wicked smile. “I am responsible for the ad in last week’s paper that said Morag’s pies were on sale.”