Goody Two Shoes (Invertary 2)

Caroline squeezed her friend back, but shot a questioning look to Lake, who seemed amused. She pulled herself out of Kirsty’s arms. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. How could you see the box in the newsagent? Did they get one too?”

“Box?” Kirsty looked at Lake. “I’m talking about the newspapers.”

“What newspapers?”

Helen shook her head stiffly at Kirsty, who seemed to get the message. “You haven’t seen them?” Kirsty said. “Well, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing we can’t fix.”

Caroline shook her head to clear it. Had everyone around her gone insane?

“Holy guacamole.” Betty stomped into the room. “You’re more famous than Kate Middleton.”

She pushed everyone out of her way and thumped a pile of newspapers and magazines in the middle of Caroline’s desk.

“Oh no,” Helen groaned.

“You don’t need to see those.” Kirsty made a grab for the pile.

“Hands off, they’re mine,” Betty warned.

Kirsty looked pointedly at Lake.

“I can remove you or the magazines,” he told Betty. “Your choice.”

She grinned a toothless grin at him. “You’re like a son to me.”

Caroline reached for the newspaper on top of the pile while everyone was arguing. She turned it over to see the front. The headline screamed, Is this the most boring woman in Britain? And there she was, dressed in a grey suit, looking severe.

“What on earth?” She grabbed another one.

This one had The grey lady of the north as its headline. The subheading asked why sexiest man alive Josh McInnes could marry someone like her. Caroline swallowed hard.

Kirsty and Helen came up beside her. Each of them tried to take the bundle out of her hands.

“No, I want to see.”

Woman’s Weekly had a double-page spread dedicated to her. It showed six photos of her all in different grey suits. All with makeup-free faces. And all without a smile. The article demanded that Caroline burn the suits and hire an image consultant. It said she was letting the country down.

The front cover of Francine Magazine showed a picture of her alongside headshots of the presenters from What Not to Wear. The duo had decided that she needed their help. They were campaigning to get people to put pressure on her to take them up on an offer of a full makeover.

“How did they get all of these photos?” She stared at the double-page spread. “Some of these are years old.”

“Caroline.” Officer Donaldson cut into her thoughts. “We need to talk about the box.”

Kirsty spun on him. “Can’t you see she’s upset? The country thinks she looks terrible. Talk about a box some other time.”

He looked at the ceiling for a moment before answering her. “As important as Caroline’s clothes are, someone sent her a box with a threatening letter and an animal heart. I think that takes precedence.”

“What the hell?” Lake pushed through the women to get to the desk. “When did this arrive?”

“This morning,” Officer Donaldson said.

“Postmark?”

“Fort William.”

“Where’s Josh?” Lake said. All eyes turned to Caroline. “Did anyone call Josh?”

“I asked Archie to call the houses. I don’t have his mobile phone number. He programmed it into the phone he gave me, but the phone is in my kitchen drawer.”