Goody Two Shoes (Invertary 2)

“Hey”—Mitch held up his hands in surrender—“you’re preaching to the choir.”

“You’ve got a visitor,” the guy on the door called through.

“Who is it?” Josh shouted back.

“Archie McPherson.”

“Archie?” Caroline shouted. “Archie, I’m being held prisoner. I need help.”

Josh ignored her as he sauntered to the front door. Archie was shutting it behind him. He cast a curious glance in the direction of the stairs.

“I came to check on the lass,” he said.

“Archie, get up here and set me free. Josh has me handcuffed to the bed.”

Archie grinned at Josh. “You’re a kinky son of a monkey, aren’t you?”

Josh grinned back.

“This has nothing to do with sex,” Caroline shouted. “He’s trying to inflict his will on me. He won’t let me have a mind of my own. He’s locked me up because I won’t do what I’m told.” They heard the cuffs rattling as she banged about. “Archie McPherson, get up here right now and set me free, or I swear on Granddad’s grave I will hurt you along with Josh once I get out of these things.”

Archie’s eyebrows rose so far up his forehead they disappeared under his grey cap. “She’s furious.” He was awestruck.

“Spitting mad,” Josh agreed.

The old man leaned in towards Josh and lowered his voice. “She never loses her temper. She usually gets all icy and freezes your balls off with something she says.” He removed his cap and scratched his head. “I’ve known her since she was a wee girl, and I’ve never seen her angry.”

“Welcome to my world—in it she’s mad all the time.”

“Archie McPherson,” Caroline shouted. “I’m going to count to three, and if you aren’t up here by then there’s going to be trouble. One.”

The two men looked up the staircase.

Josh shook his head in wonder. “I’m not sure what she thinks she’s going to do to us.”

“Aye.” Archie sounded bewildered.

“Two!” Caroline’s voice rose an octave.

Archie shuffled his feet. “Well, I can see you have everything in hand here. I’d best be getting on. I’m guessing Donaldson knows about the cuffs.”

“That’s where I got them.”

A slow, wicked smile lit up Archie’s face. “Tell Caroline I dropped by and I’m glad she’s well.” He put his hat back on his head. “And tell her not to forget about the boiler that went kablooey.” With a laugh, he opened the door.

“Three!” Caroline screamed. “That’s it, Archie McPherson. You are on my list. You are number two on my list.”

“Good luck, son.” Archie slipped out the door.

Josh sauntered back into the kitchen to finish his breakfast, only to discover Mitch had already eaten it.

Josh swatted him on the back of the head. “Don’t you have somewhere to go?”

“Nope.” Mitch reached for the coffee again.

“Someone needs to deal with the wedding planner now that Caroline is indisposed.”

Mitch’s eyes lit up. “Now that you mention it, the delectable Millicent could probably use a hand.” He put the coffee pot back in its stand. “Don’t you just love an English accent?”