t love me.” It wasn’t a question.
Josh’s throat was closing up. “Caroline,” was all he could get out.
“It’s okay, Josh. I understand. Thank you for giving me a chance at a family. Thanks for trying to give me the wedding I thought I wanted. Thanks for making me feel special for a while.”
Josh was paralysed. His power of speech had fled. He felt like his insides were being ripped out and displayed. He couldn’t get his head around anything she said. None of it made sense.
With a trembling smile, Caroline turned and stepped down from the platform. Josh struggled to breathe. She was walking away from him. He tried to stop her, but he couldn’t move. He kept his eyes on her until the heavy doors of the church swung shut behind her. Suddenly his legs wouldn’t hold him anymore. He flopped to sit on the platform steps. His head fell into his hands. He struggled to breathe.
She was gone.
His Caroline was gone.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
“You’re an idiot.”
Josh looked up to find his father standing in front of him. “I can’t deal with you right now.”
“Do I look like I care?” He sat down on the edge of the platform beside Josh. “Why did you let that girl go?”
“What are you talking about?” Josh felt his anger rise again. He wanted to punch someone, and if his dad didn’t get lost, it might be him. “You don’t like Caroline. You don’t want me to marry her. You’ve been nothing but clear about your opinion since you turned up in Scotland.”
His dad huffed. “I may have been wrong.”
Josh looked at the ceiling. Wishing a science fiction portal would open and suck him into another universe. One without any of the crap he had to deal with. “You may have been wrong?”
“Fine.” His dad grunted with disgust. “I was wrong. Happy now? I may be wrong, but you’re a bloody fool if you let that girl go. She’s a keeper. And she loves you.”
He really didn’t need to explain his life to his father right now. “That’s the problem. I don’t love her.” The words were harder to get out than he thought they would be. “I proposed to her because I don’t believe in that romantic love stuff. I want a partnership. That’s it.”
“I can’t believe I raised such an idiot. Where did I go wrong?”
Josh stood and glared down at the man. This conversation was icing on the cake from hell that was his day. “I’m just doing what you did. You got married because Mom was pregnant with me. It’s not like you fell in love and desperately wanted to be together. But look at you now. You’ve been married thirty-five years and you’re committed to each other. You’ve grown to love each other. And now that you’ve sorted out your problems with Mom, everything is fine. I want that. It worked for you. It should work for me.”
“You don’t know anything.” His father stood, anger twisting his face. “I didn’t marry your mother because she was knocked up. I married her because she was my world. I was crazy about that woman from the moment I set eyes on her. When I wasn’t in the same room as her, I felt like my arm or leg was missing. I lived for every smile she gave me. I still bloody do. I didn’t marry her because she was pregnant, you fool. I married her because I loved her. I was just grateful that she had to marry me because she was carrying you. I didn’t want to take any chance that she’d get away from me.”
“You were in love?”
“Head over heels.”
“How come I never knew?”
“There’s a lot you don’t know, son. But don’t worry. I’m here to sort you out.” He wrapped an arm around Josh’s shoulders. “And the first thing you need to do is go after the woman you’re in love with. Fix this mess. Marry her. Put babies in her belly as fast as you can. That’s what you need to do.”
“You are nowhere near a modern man, are you?”
“As Popeye would say, I am what I am.”
Josh shook his head. Oh how he loved these little father-son chats.
“I’m not in love with Caroline.” He pulled away from his father. “I just care about her. A lot.” He sighed at the thought of her out there, hurting, alone. He should be with her. He should be holding her. Everything was all mixed up. “I worry about her. You’ve seen what she’s like. Her world is black and white; she expects everyone to be moral and do the right thing just because it’s the right thing to do. People use her. They treat her badly. They say things that hurt her because her personality is so forceful they think they can say anything they like to her. But she’s soft underneath. She cares about everyone. And she gets hurt. She needs someone to look out for her. To translate the world around her. To make people see how great she is and to stop them from hurting her. That’s all this is. I wanted to marry her and be that person.”
“Son”—his father clasped a hand on Josh’s shoulder—“you’re talking about love.”
Josh shook his head. “No. It’s mutual respect. And attraction. Serious attraction. She’s so damn beautiful. The first time I saw her, I thought, ‘I get to marry Grace Kelly.’” He looked at his dad. “She looks like Grace Kelly, doesn’t she?”
“Exactly like her.” His father smiled. “Son. You’re in love.”