He'd made a DVD of his ex. I imagined it was a video recording of one of their happier days before they split. Once more, I wondered what happened and how it all went down. How did he find out that she cheated on him? Did someone tell him? Did he walk in on them after coming home early from work one day?
I held the disc in my hand and chewed my bottom lip thoughtfully, imagining it in my mind's eye. I searched through the drawer and found a photo album. At that point, I knew I should just stop and not snoop, but I was just too damned curious.
I opened the cover carefully, glancing quickly down the hallway, but there was no sign of Luke. He must have still been asleep. Unable to resist, I flipped through the first few pages of pictures from Luke's youth – snapshots of him on a surfboard, him skateboarding with a few friends, his hair longer, his body with that leanness of youth. Some of him working on a car engine, his hands greasy.
There were a few of him when he was much younger — maybe seven or eight — standing with a dark-haired woman. His mother, no doubt. It certainly wasn't his adoptive mother. This woman had a pleasant face, pretty, actually, with a gentle smile. She had one arm around his shoulder, and the two were smiling at the camera. I felt a pang of sadness for Luke that he'd lost both parents too early. No wonder he was so close with Dana…
Then, at the back of the photo album, some loose pictures slipped out and fell onto the floor. I bent down to pick them up, examining each one to see what was the subject.
Jenna.
Long dark hair and the face of an angel. Smiling at the camera, a scarf tied around her head. She was in a convertible, her hands on the wheel.
On the back was one word. Jenna.
The woman who broke Luke's heart…
There were nearly a dozen similar pictures of Jenna, in various locations, but in all of them she was smiling at the camera like she was perfectly happy. One showed Luke and Jenna together. He pulled her closer, his arms around her and she kissed his cheek.
They seemed so happy. Why would she cheat on him?
I felt incredibly guilty snooping through his personal possessions so I hastily slipped the pictures back into the photo album and replaced it on the bottom of the drawer.
He still kept them – memories of his relationship – the woman he almost married. I knew he was still not over her. He couldn't get close to a woman, even now – almost a year later. He kept them all at arm's length and focused on his business and his plans to sail the world and then leave it for good.
A part of me wanted to cry after seeing those pictures of Luke. He seemed so easy going and carefree, but I knew that deep down, he had a lot of scars from the various pains in his childhood and youth – his father and mother dying, leaving him an orphan cared for by adoptive parents, then his fiancée che
ating on him with her ex…
I went to the bedroom, giving up on the idea of watching the news, and quickly dressed. I gathered up my bag and went to the kitchen. I scrawled a hasty note on a sheet of paper from my bag.
Thanks for the great night. This has been fun, but we both know it’s going nowhere and that’s not good enough for me. Have a great life and thanks for the memories.
Then I left the apartment while the sun began to rise and walked to the nearest subway station to take a train back home.
* * *
When I got back home, Candace was gone, so I changed into some jeans and a hoodie and went for a walk through the streets around the apartment, picking up a coffee on my way. I still felt sad and wanted to think through everything that happened between Luke and me. I decided to walk to the Hudson to watch the seagulls fly. The sky gradually brightened and I breathed in deep the cool morning air before it warmed up.
My cell dinged and I pulled it out of my hoodie pocket to see who was texting me, wondering if it would be Luke.
To my surprise, it was Dana, his sister.
DANA: Hey, Alexa, I hope you don't mind that I'm texting you. I got your number from Luke's phone. Ha ha. I pretended I wanted to google something. Hey, I'm his twin. I consider myself partially responsible for his happiness. Speaking of which, Luke told me you left suddenly this morning and pretty much broke off your relationship. Are you okay? I know Luke really likes you and I wanted you to know there is nothing between him and Jenna anymore in case you were worried about it. Sorry to butt into your life but I know my brother. He was really upset that you left and weren't going to see him again. I hope you two can work it out. He seems to really like you.
I read her text over, surprised that she felt a need to contact me. I mused whether I should text her back, but I decided I should, just to be polite.
ALEXA: I'm fine. Luke and I aren't serious. In fact, we're pretty casual. A relationship of convenience really, and so it's not a big deal if we stop seeing each other. Seriously – I'm fine. Luke is a free man, and he has plans for the future that don't involve me. I understand that, and we had some fun together, but he's not in my future and I'm not in his. Thanks for being concerned about me but really, I'm fine.
I read over my text and then sent it, figuring that would end the whole business and I wouldn’t hear from her or Luke again.
I continued to walk along the river, feeling sad that nothing could happen between us, trying to harden my resolve. I felt so bad that I wanted to go back home and see my family, but I couldn't go back, because of Blaine. He'd find me if I showed up. In the small town where I had lived before moving to Manhattan, everyone knew everyone else's business. As soon as I drove into town, gossip would spread that I was home, and Blaine would know it. A court ordered restraining order couldn't keep him away – that much I knew for sure.
My parents often rented a vacation home on South Padre Island on the gulf coast of Texas. That was the only place I could go to meet with them and connect, given the problems that I faced when Blaine and I broke up before I came to Manhattan.
It was a time in my life I did not want to think about or revisit.
I sent my mom and dad a text, hoping I could visit them sometime in the fall during my break.