I had to look deep inside of myself to understand why I even tried to get him back, considering he didn't accept my 'no' about the mock-rape and spanking. Was I so desperate for male attention that I'd accept abuse?
My mother would be horrified.
Dawn told me to forgive myself, but I had a hard time and for months, I moped around my apartment, dressed in flannel pajamas, watching Seinfeld re-runs and eating Häagen Dazs. Now, here I was, with some other man hanging around me who liked to enforce his will over women, looking at me like I was a piece of steak he couldn’t wait to eat.
Finally, the meeting broke up about an hour and a half after dinner finished and the men left, one by one, shaking my dad's hand and thanking us for the hospitality. I noticed that Drake hung back, taking his time, speaking to Christie and Elaine. Finally, he was the last one and I went to get my coat and bag while he shook my father's hand. The two spoke to each other in hushed voices.
"What are you two conspiring about?" I kissed my dad on the cheek.
"Us? Conspire?" My dad laughed. "Just how to take over the world." He smiled and glanced at Drake. I said my goodbyes to Elaine and Christie, and then Drake escorted me out of the apartment. Once the door to the suite closed, he put his hand on the small of my back and guided me gently towards the elevator.
"I didn't think you'd actually wait for me." He pressed the button. "I thought you'd be long gone, so I'm pleasantly surprised."
"I said I'd wait."
The door to the elevator opened and I entered, Drake behind me. We stood side by side, with him just a bit behind me. He leaned over to press the floor button, and just happened to lean in close to me while he did, brushing against me. Was that a smirk on his face?
"Why are you smiling?"
"Oh, let's just said that I have a hard time riding alone in elevators with pretty women and keeping a straight face these days."
I glanced away, my face heating. Oh. Right. The elevator scene…
"Don't get any ideas."
"Kate, I've already had so many ideas. And that's what I wanted to talk to you about."
Oh, God… How do you handle a man telling you he's had ideas about being with you? A wave of something swept through me, leaving my knees just a bit weak.
The elevator arrived in the basement and we went to the guest parking area and his car. He helped me in, then closed the door for me.
What a gentleman. Opened the door for me, so chivalrous, but wanted to tie me up and make me kneel to him like a vassal to some feudal Lord.
Of course, then I couldn’t get the image of me kneeling at his feet, naked, him fully dressed out of my mind. I thought of the movie 9 ½ Weeks and how the woman crawled on her hands and knees to her lover. I couldn’t stop the way my body responded to those images, even as I told myself it would be humiliating.
"Well, talk away," I said, trying to get that image out of my mind.
We drove out of the parking garage and through the streets towards my apartment. A light snow fell, huge flakes drifting down lazily.
"I know it really upset you that I'm the one Lara was trying to match you with for your 'research'. You wanted anonymity and are embarrassed that I know who you are. I think we should still go through with the agreement you wanted – for one reason. Who could be safer than me?"
I frowned. He wasn’t safe. He was a slippery slope.
"How are you safe?"
"I know and admire your father, so there's no way I'd want to screw things up with him. I admire you and don't want you to think less of me than you probably already do. I understand your need for anonymity, at least, for no one to find out what you're doing. You understand my need for secrecy, too. We're not going to expose each other."
I watched out the window, not sure what I thought about what he said. Part of me thought he was right. He would be very car
eful. He understood.
"Look, I know you're worried about your father finding out about your interest in BDSM," he said, his voice low. "But I'm well-respected in my field and I don’t want to screw that up. If people found out I frequent fetish nights and have submissives, it would hurt my reputation. You want to learn about the lifestyle and understand female submissives and male Dominants? I can help you. We can pretend to be dating, and that way there'd be no reason that we couldn’t be seen together. We wouldn’t have to make up excuses in case anyone found us together. I won't do anything you don't want me to do. We can write it all out, formally in an agreement, and I'll stick to it. The only way anything will happen is if you want it to and specifically negotiate for the agreement to change. I am an honorable man in that respect. You can talk to Lara if you want verification."
We drove along, and I said nothing. He was right, of course. The cat was now out of the bag with us. Both of us knew each other's inclinations, even if mine were purely for research purposes.
Lara said he was absolutely trustworthy.
"Drake, it's just…" I shook my head, my cheeks hot. "I'm so embarrassed."