He followed me up the stairs to my third floor apartment, and we stopped at my door while I fumbled in my bag for my keys, muttering to myself about how big it was and how I always lost my keys at the bottom. Just nervous chatter. In the time before I found them, Mrs. Kropotkin opened her door a crack and peered out at us. Drake turned to her and smiled.
"Zdrastvooyte."
She closed her door.
"Did you study Russian in college?" I asked, my voice a bit quivery.
"My father had a cassette tape with Russian lessons on it and I used to listen as a kid." He cleared his throat because his own voice was husky. "I don’t really speak Russian well. Just enough to order in a restaurant or make a few toasts."
I had to take in a few deep breaths to get control over myself. Finally, I wrestled the lock open and stepped inside, turning and blocking the doorway before he could enter.
"You'll keep your promise to just talk? No sex?"
He held his hands up, palms out as if to signal surrender. "Kate, it's up to you. You'll be the one to decide what happens. Whatever you want."
"We're not having sex. Tell me you understand."
"I understand."
I stood in the doorway for a moment, deciding, my hands on the door, Drake outside. I didn't want this night to end. I wanted him to come in and touch me. I was just afraid.
"Come in," I said and sighed.
He stepped across the threshold, turning around, staring at my apartment.
"Kate why do you live like this? This apartment looks like it belongs to a poor kid, not the daughter of a wealthy judge running for election."
"I don't want his money and I don't earn enough even with the scholarship to live anywhere else."
He walked around and the way he was looking at everything and touching all my possessions made me feel as if he were entering my mind and my body.
While I went to the side table in the entry and deposited my keys on a tray, he stood in the hallway and took in a deep breath as if he were smelling me. My apartment had a pleasant scent. With Thanksgiving approaching, I put a few decorations up, a couple of tiny pumpkins on a dish on a small round table in the living/dining area. Vanilla and cinnamon were the main scents from a container of potpourri beside the dish with my keys.
I took off my coat and hung it on a coat tree by the door, then went to Drake. "Let me take your coat," I said, extending my hands. He shrugged off his coat. Then, he unbuttoned his jacket, loosening his tie as well. He kicked off his boots and watched me hang up his coat, and I felt awkward under his gaze, trying to hide my nervousness.
"Do you mind if I take a look around?"
I shook my head without responding, worried that my voice would give away my nerves.
He came to me and tipped up my chin with a finger. "Its OK. I know you're nervous. A bit excited. You know what? So am I."
He sounded a bit nervous, and as if to demonstrate, he took in a deep breath and smiled. I glanced away.
He walked down the hallway that led to the back of the apartment and my bedroom, examining the art on my walls. Stopping at one long narrow picture that I called 'Lady/Knight', he checked it out more closely. A pencil drawing of a couple, a man and a woman, the man in full knight's armor, the woman naked beneath him, her arms outstretched. She strained to meet his mouth, which was trapped behind the metal grill of his helmet, his lips just visible through the grating. He lay on top of her, resting on his elbows, and not one piece of his flesh touched hers.
"You did this?"
I went to stand beside him and tilted my head. I pointed to my initials at the bottom right hand corner. KMcD
"I did it in my Freshman year. I took a fine arts elective."
"It's good. Actually technically skilled." He turned to me. "Tell me about this."
"What's to tell?" I said. "It's a pencil drawing of a knight and his lady love."
"And why is she naked while he's in full armor?"
I said nothing for a moment, thinking of how I wanted to explain it. "Our assignment was to show contrasts in textures. I thought that metal and flesh were opposites – almost mortal enemies – and contrasting, kind of like male and female, masculine and feminine. My professor said I took the assignment way too literally."