"Maybe," I said. "But whose approach is more satisfying in the end?"
Drake shrugged. "I've tried your approach. I was married for five years. You haven't tried mine. Yet. Why don't you give it a chance? Then you'll know."
"I can't imagine that meaningless sex can be rewarding in the long run."
He sighed, as if he was growing impatient with talking. "It's not. But it's good enough for now."
I stood on the other side of the coffee table and stared him down. "I only want to fuck someone who loves me," I said. "Is that so wrong?"
"Someone will love you, Kate. Do you really want to wait until he does? Is masturbating all alone in your room at night, for what – a year? Is that really good enough for you?"
That hurt.
I turned on my heel and went to the kitchen, opening and closing drawers, looking for my tea strainer so I could make some tea for us, but of course, I really just wanted to escape him. He came to me, standing behind me. He probably realized he went too far with that.
"I'm sorry." He reached out and touched my shoulder, softly.
"You’re a bastard."
"No, I'm not. I'm just being honest." He took hold of my shoulders and turned me around to face him but I did my best to avoid his eyes, because mine were wet. The truth of his words hurt me.
"Kate, you deserve to have pleasure when you need it. You're not a bad girl for wanting to feel it. I can give it to you. I want to give you the pleasure you need in the way that most appeals to you, deep down inside if you're brave enough to admit it to yourself."
He bent down and tried to catch my eyes, but I closed them.
"Here," he said and folded me into his arms. I didn't stop him, but neither did I melt into his embrace. I was still too hurt to let him comfort me, my body stiff, unyielding.
"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings by speaking the truth so plainly. If this is going to work between us, you have to let me break down those protective walls you've built up around yourself. Otherwise, you won’t really experience submission the way you need to."
I looked up at him briefly before glancing away. "So you're telling me you have to be mean to me in order for me to be able to submit?"
"No," he said, and tilted my face back to him. "You have to be honest with me about what you need and want. You have to honest with yourself."
I just stood there, breathing deeply, fighting with myself.
"Kate, are you sexually attracted to me?"
"You already know you're very handsome."
"I didn’t ask that. I asked you if you were sexually attracted to me."
I couldn't say it. I felt it, but couldn't admit it.
He tried again, his voice very soft. "Do you want to fuck me? Is there a part of you that just wishes you could right now and to hell with convention?"
Finally, I exhaled. "Yes. But I'm afraid."
"What are you afraid of? That you'll have a great orgasm or three?"
"I'm afraid that you'll hurt me."
He sighed, frowning. "I told you and Lara told you that I'm not into pain. I don’t want to hurt you, Kate. I want to make you feel pleasure."
"Not that kind of hurt." Of course, he knew what I really meant.
"That won't happen. We'll only have sex. None of that relationship stuff. We won't have breakfast together or go to movies or on dates. We'll fuck. I'll tie you up and make you come until you scream. I'll come. Then I'll go home. You'll sleep like a baby. End of story."
"What if I fall in love with you?"