Matched

"Are you sure?" I hesitate, chewing on my bottom lip. "It might be more of a comedy routine than a performance…"

"Come on, India. Live dangerously."

That did it. It was something my brother Steven used to say to me when I was too afraid to try out new things when we were growing up together.

Come on India. Live dangerously…

Jon couldn't know that's what my beloved brother used to say to me before he died during a deployment in Afghanistan, but it worked.

I took Jon's hand and he led me to the middle of the small dance area where the two of us moved our bodies in ways that would worry a chiropractor and make Elaine Benes proud. He purposely danced like a robot and I couldn't stop laughing – partly from embarrassment and partly because he was hilarious.

And so uninhibited.

He was fun in addition to being swoonworthy with that sun-bleached dark blond hair and pale blue eyes. Square jaw, scruff and built. Six foot three or four, his biceps bulging and tatted.

I almost succumbed to his charms after several shots of tequila, bites of lime, and licks of salt. At the last minute, I came to my senses when he slipped his hand under my sweater and ran his fingers up my back during a blistering kiss in the dark behind the beach shack.

God… He was gorgeous. But he was dangerous. I could see that the first time I laid eyes on him.

I wasn't offended that he hit on me that first night. He tries to pick up every attractive woman who catches his eye. Marina calls him a manwhore. I call him a bonobo.

He prefers to think of himself as a woman's man.

I can't help it if I love women.

So, I knew the moment I saw him, he was not only out of my league, he was dangerous. With that easy smile, drop dead looks, and smoking hot body, it would be hard not to fall for him but he wasn't the type to see someone on a steady basis.

No. A quick hookup, great sex and then on to the next flower.

Not my thing. I'm all about meaningful and long-term so we were wrong for each other right from the start.

Still, he was a hard man to resist but I resisted him and that made all the difference.

He still is hard to resist.

Five years later, we're business partners. I'll be giving a talk at the Tech Crunch Disrupt San Francisco on the business we started with several other friends from Stanford.

Jon is CEO of Pacifica Technologies Inc. I'm CTO.

We're a spunky little startup that's challenging Lockheed Martin's dominance of the aerospace industry.

With my BSc in Engineering, and our dual MBAs from Stanford, Jon and I, along with three other friends, built Pacifica from the ground up. Now, we've moved past the initial attraction to being great friends and business partners.

There's too much at stake to risk it on a night of sex, no matter how great it might be.

Still, there are moments when I look at Jon and wish we could get together. We're great as a pair, fantastic as leaders of our team. We have honest-to-goodness fun working together. I never get bored with him and always look forward to going to the office because Jon will be there, in the background of my day, making me laugh or challenging me to solve some problem.

Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely, I imagine what it would be like to be his lover, but most of the time, thoughts of Jon as a sex partner are forbidden. I do not permit myself to go there -- at least, not often.

We have a beautiful relationship. It's the envy of all our friends.

I won’t let anything ruin it – especially not something as commonplace as sex.

But it's hard to watch him leave the clubs or parties with women he picks for a quick and dirty hookup.

Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night in the throes of an orgasm and it's always Jon who's involved, pumping away, or with his face between my thighs…

I really really ne