Unbreakable (Unrestrained 4)

Now, he couldn’t sleep. “Too much alcohol?” I said, wondering if he wasn’t feeling well from the wine.

“No,” he said and stroked my cheek with his thumb. “ Too many thoughts.”

“What’s on your mind?”

He sighed heavily. “Kate, I don’t want to wait to have a family. I want a child now.”

My eyes widened at that and I didn’t know what to say. We had talked about having children when we first discussed marriage, but that was a few years off when I was finished with my thesis and we had done some more traveling. I pulled back and looked in his eyes.

“What made you change your mind?”

He shook his head, a sad expression in his eyes. “I realized when I saw Liam at the hospital, and today when you were crying about him, that life is too short to put off things that you want. I want to have children, Kate. I want a real family – like you had with Ethan and your mom and Heath.”

I didn’t say anything, wanting to give him the chance to speak and explain how he felt.

“I know you wanted to finish your thesis first,” he said carefully, softly, “and I wanted to go back to Africa first, but there are no guarantees that we will even be able to have children.”

“Go on.”

“Something could happen to either of us and that would be it – waiting would mean we’d never have had children or be parents. You can always finish your thesis, and I can always go to Africa but we can’t always have children. I realized that I’ve missed every milestone with Liam. I’ll miss every milestone to come. I don’t want that to happen to us.”

I pulled him more closely into my arms and kissed him, happy that he felt able to reveal his fears to me. He was so afraid of turning into his father, but I knew that would never happen. He wanted to be like my father, the co-head of the household, involved and engaged in his children’s lives. As much as I rebelled against my father, I knew he was always there, like a fortress around our family, ready to protect us. I realized that after his stroke, and after how patient and understanding he was with Drake and with me.

If anything, Drake ran the risk of being too much the opposite of his father, and not having any fun in his life for fear of being like the carefree neglectful Liam.

“You’re not saying anything,” Drake said, pulling back to look in my eyes. “I want you to be completely honest with me. Tell me what you think about it. I need to know.”

“I want to make you happy,” I said, running my hands up his chest, his skin warm. “I want to have your children, if we can.”

“And your thesis?”

“I can still work on it while I’m pregnant, silly,” I said and smiled, squeezing him. “I’m working on the first chapter already. As long as I’m not sick as a dog, I should be able to finish it before the nine months are up.”

“Ten months,” he said. “It’s really ten months from your last period.”

“Yes, Doctor,” I said and laughed, squeezing him again. “Whatever you say.”

“You’re serious?” he said, searching my face as if he didn’t believe me. “You’re willing to try? Now?”

“Right this minute?” I said, smiling coyly. “My period is due tomorrow or the next day so, you’re out of luck for two more weeks…”

He laughed and pulled me into his arms. “Don’t take your birth control once your cycle is finished. You won’t likely get pregnant right away, because you’ve been on the pill for a while, but it’ll be fun to try.”

“This is all because of what happened with Liam? Have you really thought this through?”

He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, his arm still under my neck. I snuggled closer, my hand on his chest.

“I realized when I saw him on the hospital bed that he looked so much like me, with his dark hair and blue eyes. I felt such incredible love for him at that moment, even though I don’t even know him. I knew I’d do anything for him, even stay out of the picture until he was old enough to understand.”

He turned to look in my eyes. “I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to love children because I felt so neglected by my mother and father, but I was wrong. I could love children. I want them, sooner than later. We never know how much time any of us have. I don’t want to wait in case there’s no tomorrow.”

“Oh, Drake,” I said and snuggled even closer, squeezing my arm around his waist, my eyes filling with tears at his confession. “We don’t have to.”

He leaned down and kissed me and then he fixed me with his eyes. “I want you to think about this for the next week, and if you change your mind, I’ll understand. I’ll be sad, but I’ll understand.”

“I won’t change my mind,” I said. “I want everything with you, Drake. I want you to be the father of my children.”

He turned off the lamp and then kissed me warmly, deeply, and I thought he might want to make love, but he never made the first move and so I lay in his arms, filled with emotion for this wonderful man I had all to myself. He wanted me to have his children. He wanted us to be a real family. I wanted to give him that – something he never had growing up, despite all the wealth and privilege.