Beach Blanket Homicide (Lucy McGuffin, Psychic Amateur Detective 1)

“Hey, Lucy!” she chirps like she’s ecstatic to see me, and even this is a lie because Brittany Kelly can’t stand my guts. She’s still mad that I called her out in kindergarten for stealing the paint brushes. From Girl Scouts to high school, she’s made my life miserable. In a completely passive aggressive way, because to the rest of the world, Brittany is the epitome of the beautiful sweet southern deb.

“Hey, Brittany!” I mimic back.

She’s wearing a skin-tight sequined gown, and her auburn hair is artfully arranged in a flattering up do. Even though we’re outside on the grass, she’s wearing four-inch heels. It’s like she’s reviving her look from prom night when she was crowned queen.

“What an interesting costume,” Sarah muses.

“You like it?” Brittany slowly circles around so we can admire her assets (literally).

“Who are you supposed to be?” Will asks. Although Will has never said it aloud, I know he finds Brittany attractive. His whole body practically hums whenever she’s around.

“The movie star from Gilligan’s Island. Technically I suppose it’s not a movie character, but I don’t think you can get more sixties beachy than Ginger.”

“You look cute,” Sarah concedes, because she’s honest, and yes, Brittany is killing the Ginger look.

“Thanks, Sarah!” Her eyes get a sparkly look in them. Brittany has brown eyes, but they’re not regular brown eyes like mine. They’re so light that sometimes you think they’re green and other times you aren’t sure. They’re her best feature. And she knows it. Besides her hair. She also has incredible hair. And an adorable nose and a gorgeous figure and…

The whole thing is so unfair.

“Lucy,” Brittany says. “Who are you dressed as?”

I would think it was apparent, but I fake smile and say, “Annette Funicello.”

“Oh.” She pauses for effect. “You should have told me you were having trouble coming up with something original. We could have coordinated outfits. You would have been an adorable Mary Ann!”

Right. Not that Mary Ann wasn’t attractive, but the way Brittany emphasizes the word adorable it’s like Mary Ann was Ginger’s pet hamster. She would have probably insisted I wear baggy overalls and had straw sticking out of my hair.

“By the way, Lucy, I saw your audition tape for Muffin Wars. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you!”

“What? I mean…how is that possible?” I sputter.

“Daddy has a friend who works for The Cooking Channel, and when he came across an audition tape from someone local, he called Daddy to find out all about you. Naturally, Daddy put in a good word for you.”

Great. Now if I get on the show, I’ll have to wonder if it’s because they really liked my muffins or if it’s because of Brittany’s dad pulling strings on my behalf.

Brittany’s family owns The Harbor House, Whispering Bay’s fanciest restaurant. I worked there washing dishes during the summers while I was in high school. At first, I thought it was cool of Brittany’s dad to give me a job, but in hindsight, I think it was just so that Brittany could lord it over me at school. Still, it was a good experience. Even though the work was hard, it’s where I discovered my passion for baking.

You’d think growing up in the restaurant business, Brittany would feel the same way too. But not only does she have no interest, her culinary skills amount to zilch. “I can’t even boil an egg!” I heard her brag one day as if this is something to be proud of.

Brittany went to Florida State University where she majored in sorority princess and marketing. After graduation, her daddy got her a job on the Chamber of Commerce doing PR for the city. She’s the one who came up with the Safest City in America tagline that everyone thinks is so wonderful. I hate to admit it, but it’s not half bad.

Brittany says in a staged low voice that everyone can still hear, “Lucy, can I give you some pointers? If you get picked to be on T.V., and I mean, of course, you’ll get picked, you might want to lose a little weight. The camera always adds ten pounds.”

“I think Lucy looks really healthy,” Will says in my defense.

I study Will carefully for any signs of deception, but there’s…nothing. These are the times I wish I knew if Will was telling the truth or just lying to be nice. Because if he’s telling the truth, maybe it means he finds me attractive. Which means maybe I have a chance with him. On the other hand, “healthy” could also be interpreted to mean something entirely different.

“Oh, Will,” Brittany says in a little girl voice that grates on my nerves, “Lucy is so lucky to have you for a friend!” She bats her lashes at him then proceeds to bore us with details of her last vacation. To be fair, the trip was to Paris. But instead of telling us about all the wonderful French food she ate and the interesting places she got to visit, all she talks about is the great shopping.

Ugh. I don’t think I can stand much more of this.

“I can get the coffee by myself,” I mutter even though no one’s paying attention to me.

I search the grounds until I find Gus, who’s over by the main stage. He and some of the other Gray Flamingos are in the middle of counting votes for the costume contest. I’m still holding onto hope that I win. I mean, yes, there are a lot of Annettes here, but half of them are wearing wigs. No one’s hair is as big as mine. Surely that must count for something.

“I hate to bother you, but can you open the kitchen door for me again? I have to replenish the coffee cart.”

“Here, you can have the keys.” Gus reaches into his pocket and comes up empty. He gazes around the table and frowns. “I know I put them somewhere.”