He drained the rest of the whiskey and briefly thought about getting himself a refill. But he didn’t need it to finish this conversation. He wasn’t his father. Thank God for that.
“I thought maybe if Sam saw me, that maybe if I explained to him that we needed him, that Allie needed him, that he’d….fuck, I don’t know. I was stupid enough to think that if I told him about Buela and how I had this chance to get out of here and do something good for myself that he’d man up. I didn’t need him, but she did. I couldn’t leave here without knowing there would be someone, some family that Buela could count on. But you know where I found him? In some fucking bar on the beach. Stone cold ass drunk. He didn’t even know who I was at first. Then he started to cry. Right before he pissed himself.”
Her face took on that look she got whenever she saw a dead deer on the side of the road. He didn’t want her pity. But he needed her to understand who Sam Grant was.
“I took one look at that worthless piece of shit and I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t leave Buela and Allie. Not by themselves. And you know what? I was okay with that. Because right after I told the recruiter I couldn’t enlist, I saw your brother and I followed him into some coffee shop because I was still so hung up on you that any little word about you, any little morsel of information he wanted to throw at me, I’d lap up like some starving dog. You can guess my reaction when he told me you were pregnant.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “But I never blamed you for not telling me because I knew what you thought. You were scared and you thought I wouldn’t come through for you. So I made a promise to myself that day that I’d never be like him. That you would never have to wonder if I’d be there for you because you’d know it.”
Her voice was so low he had to strain to hear her. “I wanted to tell you, Zeke. I really did…”
“I told you. It’s all right. But now you know why I can’t let that man into our lives, Mimi. I just can’t.”
She sighed. “I get it. I really do. He hurt you, Zeke. He’s an asshole. A piece of shit, everything you called him, he’s that and more. If I could spit in his face right now I would, because of the way he made you feel. But…like I said, this thing about a brother or a sister, it changes everything. You need to let Allie decide for herself what to do with this information. And…if you don’t tell her, I will.”
It was like the earth stopped spinning on its axis or the all oceans had suddenly dried up. He must have heard wrong. “What did you just say?”
“I know you think you know what’s best for everyone, but believe me, in this case, you don’t. Allie will never forgive you if she learns about this. And she will, Zeke. Maybe not today or even next year. But one day, she’ll find out you knew everything and you never told her. And that’s the day you’re going to lose her. And I love you too much to let that happen.”
White hot anger streaked through his gut. Not at Mimi. But at him. Even when he wasn’t in their lives, Sam Grant was still fucking everything up.
“Haven’t you heard anything I just said to you?”
She briefly shut her eyes. “Believe me, I heard every word.”
“I don’t think so. Because if you loved me then you wouldn’t ask me to do this. You wouldn’t want to change who I am.”
“That’s emotional blackmail, Zeke.”
“Call it whatever you want. I just know I would never ask you do something like this. Not if I knew how strongly you felt about it.”
“So what? That’s it?” she croaked.
“Yeah. And I have to tell you I’m getting pretty damn sick of having this conversation. You want me to come back home? It’s your choice, Mimi.” He put his hands out to his side. “This is who I am. If you don’t like it, then maybe we’re better off apart.”
Of all the people in all the world that Mimi chose to talk to about Claire, it was beyond irony that she would go to her mother. It wasn’t that they had a bad relationship. They had their moments. Their ups and downs. And while she knew her mother loved her and vice-versa, they’d never gotten to that “good friends” stage that so many adult daughters had with their moms.
But she had to talk to someone, and the way she’d left things with Zeke the other day, he wasn’t a viable choice. She’d never seen him so angry. Or so sad, either. Which in turn made her sad.
He might not recognize the emotion as sadness, but she did. Why were men so out of touch with their feelings? She hadn’t told Allie about Sam Grant. She’d threatened Zeke with it in hopes that he’d do the right thing, but she could never go against her husband that way. It would be a betrayal she wasn’t sure Zeke would ever forgive.
Momma was watching an old episode of Downton Abbey in the family room. Her legs were propped up on the recliner and she was sipping an iced tea. “I didn’t hear you come in! What are you doing here in the middle of the day?” Then she stilled. “Is your daddy all right?”
“Daddy’s fine. I came here to talk to you.”
Her lips pursed in disapproval. Her mother was in her early sixties, and still an attractive woman, but that scowl made the little lines around her mouth stand out. “I’m not sure I’m going to like what you have to say to me, Mary Margaret.”
“I’m sure you won’t, Momma.”
She sighed and picked up the remote to turn off the T.V. “Are you and Zeke getting a divorce?”
The question shouldn’t have taken Mimi off guard. But for a second, it did. “No, this isn’t about me and Zeke.”
“It’s not? I just assumed when…” she shrugged. “All right, what’s this about, then?”
“It’s Claire. She got into FSU after all.”
“She did!” Momma clapped her hands in glee. “I knew it! I told your daddy there was something wrong there. That girl’s smart as a whippersnapper, just like you. What happened? Did they make a mistake? I tell you with everything done on computers nowadays—”
“Momma, Claire never got rejected. When she told us that night at dinner that she wasn’t accepted, it was a lie.”