Allie looked away from his gaze. There was something in his eyes that made it hard to maintain eye contact.
“So that afternoon I asked you to prom because I needed a date, and because I thought you were hot and we were friends and I knew we’d have a good time. But it wasn’t supposed go any further than that.”
She nodded. Their relationship had surprised her, too.
“And the more we hung out, the more I liked you. The thing is…I want you to know, even though we were planning on going to different schools, I wouldn’t have broken up with you at the end of summer.”
She felt her breath hitch. “But you did anyway.”
“That morning after you told me…” He shrugged, like he was too embarrassed to go on.
“After I told you I loved you?”
He nodded. “Lauren came to see me. She hadn’t had her period in over three months and she’d finally broken down and told her mom. The rest…well, you can figure it out. I could tell you that my dad put a lot of pressure on me to do the right thing, but that’s not why we got married. The way I saw it I had a couple of choices. I could let Lauren figure it out for herself. Go on to school like nothing had ever happened. Or I could be a part of my child’s life. Try to build a family. Try to make things work between the two of us. But to do that I had to completely cut you out of my life. So I made a decision and I stuck to it. I gave it everything I had. And the thing
is, I don’t regret it. Not a minute of it. I’d only have regretted if I hadn’t tried.”
What could she say to that? There was nothing she could say to that. He was who he was. He couldn’t help that. Just like she couldn’t help who she was, or the decisions she’d made along the way to this moment.
“You want to know what’s craziest about this whole thing?” he said. “I left Atlanta to move back here to be close to Henry. And now I’m thinking of moving to Tampa so I can be close to you.”
“What?”
“Steve Pappas offered me a job in Tampa. I don’t want to take it. But I don’t know if I can’t not take it either. Not if it means you and I might really have a shot at making this work.”
It felt like all the air had been sucked right out of her. “You want to move to Tampa? So you can be with me?”
“I loved Lauren. We had a good marriage but not a great one, I guess. I threw myself into my work and Henry, because, hell, that kid is worth anything. I would have kept going on if she hadn’t called it quits. For a while there, I was even pissed at her. What the hell did she want from me? But then, I got it. She wanted something better. She said I should wait for it, too. So I dated a little. And it was great at first, being single again. Having all this freedom. But I missed Henry too much, so I came back to Whispering Bay, and then you came along. Back into my life and it was like all those feelings I had for you that summer had never gone away. They just came rushing back. And I get it. I get what Lauren means about waiting for something better.”
“And you think that I’m that something better? Tom…you haven’t seen me or thought about me in twelve years, but after four days now you suddenly think I’m, what? The love of your life? We don’t even know each other for God’s sake! Not really.”
He held her gaze with a fierceness that this time Allie couldn’t look away from. “I know you’re loyal to the people you love. That you hate confrontation and when you’re nervous you talk too much. But it’s so damn cute I could let you go on talking for days even if you just said the same things over and over. I know you have no clue how beautiful you are, or what kind of effect you have on me, because if you did I’d be in a hell of lot of trouble.” He shook his head and laughed. “Shit. Look at me. I’m in trouble now, aren’t I?”
He took her hands in his and lightly squeezed them. “I know you can’t cuss to save your life and that no one but you could have a written a story about a half-dead frozen duck that made most of the south want to give up hunting.” He paused. “Want me to go on?”
She was flabbergasted. Speechless in a way that she’d never been before. Tom Donalan had just exposed his jugular. He’d basically told her he loved her. Without saying it, of course. But that’s what he was leading up to. It was her Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey fantasy come to life. She should jump up and pump her fist in the air. Or do a happy dance. Or feel something. Shouldn’t she? But all she felt was sad.
“What do you want me to say to all that, Tom?”
“You know what I want.” He bent down to kiss her.
She turned her head to avoid his touch and the sadness quickly turned to anger. It was all she could do to not punch him in the nose. How dare he do this to her twice in a lifetime? She snatched her hands away.
He reached out for her again. “Baby, I—”
“No. It’s my turn now.” She jumped up from the bed and began to pace the room. “That day I told you I loved you? It didn’t matter that you didn’t say it back. I mean, yeah, I wanted to hear you tell me you loved me, too. I wanted to hear it so bad, but I knew you weren’t ready. And that was okay, because… my love wasn’t some conditional thing. But then when you told me you and Lauren were getting married? I wanted to puke. I wanted to hate you, but I—” She swiped a tear from her eye. How had that gotten there?
“I admit it. Okay? You broke my heart, Tom. You looked me straight in the eye and told me you thought you loved someone else. That you had this big responsibility to take care of your mistakes. Well, what about me?” she asked, her voice rising with each word. “Where was your responsibility to me?”
He looked stunned.
“So I went home and I locked myself in my room and I cried because all I could think of was myself. And how I felt. And Buela was banging on the door, trying to get inside because she could hear me crying. And she kept begging me to tell her what was wrong. But I told her to go away. And after a while, she did. And she must have gotten Zeke…because then he started banging on the door, too.”
Allie stopped her pacing. She’d forgotten all about Zeke trying to coax her out of her room. It was like she’d buried that memory along with a bunch of other stuff from that night. Obviously, Zeke hadn’t forgotten a thing. His animosity toward Tom made perfect sense now.
“But I wouldn’t let Zeke in, either,” she continued. “So I cried myself to sleep that night. And the whole next day I acted like nothing was wrong, even though she knew that was bullshit. All she wanted was to comfort me. And I…I wouldn’t let her. And then two days later, she was gone.”
“Allie, you didn’t cause your grandmother’s heart attack.” He stood and tried to pull her in his arms but she placed a hand up, warning him to back off.