Murder By Muffin (Lucy McGuffin, Psychic Amateur Detective 3)

“I can stay for thirty minutes,” he says like he’s doing us all a big favor.

She smiles at him, then turns to address the rest of us with a scowl. “You people need to realize how fortunate you are that I selected Whispering Bay as this season’s beachside city for the competition.”

Selected?

Ha!

More like she got stuck with us.

Wendy Figueroa, owner of Tiny’s Pizza, rolls her eyes behind’s Tara’s back. I can’t help but grin in agreement. Everyone involved wants to win, but I’m pretty certain we’re all sick of Tara’s attitude right now.

Up until just a few days ago, Tara had eliminated Whispering Bay from the competition and had opted to go with another Florida city, Catfish Cove. But then a main city pipe burst, causing havoc in downtown Catfish Cove, making any filming impossible. I feel bad for them, but it sure was a lucky break for Whispering Bay.

“So,” Tara resumes, “have you all had a chance to review the paperwork? The actual competition will begin bright and early Monday morning, and I want to go over the first challenge.”

“You mean, you’re going to give us a heads-up?” asks Juanita Torres, the owner, manager, and head cook of La Cantina. Juanita is basically a one-woman show. She has two sons, Miguel and Luis, who help her run the place, but I’ve heard through the restaurant grapevine that she micromanages everything down to the last bowl of guacamole.

“You don’t think the challenges on those cooking shows are all completely spontaneous?” Tara snickers at Juanita’s naivete.

Actually, I thought the same thing myself.

Juanita looks uncertain. “Well—”

“It would be chaos!” Tara laughs in a way that grates on my nerves. No one else is laughing or smiling. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who finds Tara insufferable. “We want conflict and drama. Not crap and confusion.” She snaps her fingers in the air the way she does whenever she wants Gilly. Only Gilly is in the kitchen helping Sarah with the coffee, so she’s oblivious to the fact that she’s currently being summoned by Satan.

“Where is that girl?” Tara fumes.

“You sent her to the kitchen,” I say.

“Gilly!” Tara screams at the top of her lungs. “I need you in here now.”

Gilly runs out of the kitchen like it’s on fire.

Poor Gilly. She looks terrified of displeasing Tara. Being Tara’s underpaid, underappreciated grunt must be hell on earth, but it’s also probably the stepping-stone to a lot of other better jobs, so she’s stuck. Gilly hands us each a paper.

“Here’s a rundown on what we’ll be doing in the first episode,” says Tara. “The episode will be called “Be Our Guest.” Get it? Like the song from the Disney movie. The first challenge will involve speed and efficiency. How long does a customer have to wait to get a table? Or in the case of a place like this, how long do they have to wait at the counter? Is the person taking the orders polite and knowledgeable? How long does it take for the food to come out? Stuff like that.”

Carlos looks at his paper and frowns. “It says here that I have to purposely keep a few customers waiting for a table even though there’s one available. Or am I reading this wrong?”

“Oh, you’re reading it right. Like I said, we want conflict and drama.” Tara’s eyes gleam with excitement. “Imagine how angry those customers will be when they see an empty table and they aren’t being seated. Maybe we can even seat some customers ahead of them. Yes, that’s even better. Gilly,” she says, “I hope you’re getting this all down because if you aren’t ... ” The unspoken threat hangs in the air.

Gilly snatches a large black binder out of a bag, opens it up and begins writing furiously.

“But that doesn’t seem fair,” Juanita sputters.

“No worries,” Tara says. “Your conflict will come later in the episode when you ‘accidentally’ spill a plate of sizzling fajitas on a customer and one of your sons will have to call 911. Oh, and he’s going to accuse you of being senile. Forgetting orders, stuff like that.” She points at Gilly. “We need research on sudden-onset dementia STAT. Call the network medical staff if you have to.”

Gilly scribbles it all down.

Juanita clutches her chest. “Madre de Dios! I will not spill hot food on anyone. And my mind is just as clear as yours!”

“Don’t be such a ninny. The customer we pick will be wearing a special vest so they won’t actually be burned. We’ll get them to sign a waiver. Trust me. No one is getting sued on my watch.”

The room goes silent. We’re all in a state of disbelief, although after being around Tara this past week, nothing should surprise me. The woman is a complete piece of work.

“Pick up your jaws, people! Welcome to the world of reality television. Don’t worry, every restaurant will have its share of drama,” Tara says, making air quotation marks on the word drama. “But in the end, everything will be fair and square. Only the best restaurant in Whispering Bay will be the winner.”

Great. I can’t wait to see what kind of drama Tara and her team have in store for The Bistro.