Bellamy's Redemption

“Well, I was going to have to drive around today, and it sounded kind of scary. I decided last night that I’d play hooky today.”

“In that case, you should have stayed longer last night. Judijean was kind of drunk, in case you hadn’t noticed, and she started sharing all these nasty secrets about Bud’s family. Did you know that his mom is in jail right now for shoplifting? By jail I mean prison. Actual prison. At least I think so. Can you imagine that? I have seen her a few times and she is a fancy old bitch. I can’t imagine her in prison. You wouldn’t think anyone fancy could have given birth to Bud, but she’s honestly kind of elegant. Or so I thought. Are you there, Emma?”

“Yes, I’m here.”

“Oh, it’s just, you weren’t reacting. How much would you have to shoplift to go to prison? A ton of stuff, right?”

“I don’t know.”

“How weird is that? So when they keep hemming and hawing about a wedding date, it’s not so Judijean can lose weight as we thought…”

“I never thought that,” I interrupted. “She’s totally skinny.”

“Her butt could be smaller,” Betsy said, and then continued where she’d left off: “And it’s not because Bud is going to get hair implants. It’s because they’re waiting to see when Bud’s mom will be released. Like, maybe with good behavior she’ll be out by spring.”

“That’s crazy.”

“I think she must have done it more than once or stolen something really expensive to have gone to prison. Stealing a bra is not going to get you locked up. Right?”

“Yep. Sure.”

“Yes it would or yes it wouldn’t?”

“It wouldn’t.”

“Okay. Cool. I mean shoplifting is not even that big of a deal. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yes. I mean, no, it’s a big deal.”

“Remember when we stole that gum back in second grade and your mom made us return it, and the old man at the grocery store called us rif-raff?”

“Oh yeah. I guess so.”

“Emma, I don’t feel like you’re paying attention to me at all. What’s wrong?”

I sighed. I hated to admit it, but I was thinking about Bellamy. I’d had a dream about him, and its essence had lingered on throughout my morning until Betsy had called and destroyed it. In the dream he and I had been riding about in bumper boats, splashing one another and giggling. I’d been a size four instead of a size six and my hair had been at least three inches longer. It had been a really good dream. “Nothing’s wrong,” I said.

“You aren’t still thinking about the show last night, are you?”

“Not the show so much as Bellamy. I’m glad he and Alanna aren’t together, because… I know this sounds crazy, but I think I am going to apply to be a contestant on Bellamy’s Redemption.”

“Really?”

“Why are you saying Really like Really?” I asked.

“Well… How do I put this delicately?”

“Betsy, you’re my best friend. Just spit it out.”

“I thought Rachel was your best friend.”

“You both are. Say what you have to say.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sure I’m sure.”

“Fine.” She drew in a deep breath and I flinched, afraid of what was coming. “Emma, you are way too much of a prissy little snob to handle going on a show like that. It would be a disastrous embarrassment to you.”