“I saw his commercial the other night when I couldn’t sleep. For the PressNSteam clothes iron and pore cleanser contraption. He is so hyper! What’s wrong with him?”
“Have you tried that thing? It’s great. Smooth clothes and clean skin, in one easy move,” said Betsy.
“I don’t think that’s him,” I said. “He does some kind of fruit and vegetable drying thing. I don’t think he does any pore steamers.”
“No, that’s him,” said Betsy. “Your neighbor Pete has all kinds of products he endorses.”
“Really? I guess he is the infomercial king,” I said, feeling a twinge of pride for him.
“Oh Emma, tell me nothing has happened with you two,” said Rachel. Ever since she got engaged and then married last year, and moved out to a giant house in Suburbia, she has forgotten what it’s like to have to date. She thinks all men are atrocious losers and that Betsy and I are sleeping with anyone who looks our way.
“It hasn’t. He’s just my neighbor.”
“Don’t sleep with him,” said Betsy, seriously, very seriously, shaking her head slowly left and right.
“He does infomercials,” said Rachel. As if I hadn’t already gotten the point.
“I hear you both loud and clear. I haven’t slept with him and I am not going to. And I doubt very much that I will ever be on Bellamy’s reality show. And in the meantime, I will be sure not to sleep with anyone, or even date, in case I should humiliate either of you by choosing someone who is a loser.”
“Oh, come on, Emma,” said Rachel.
“We didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” said Betsy.
“I know,” I said. But I didn’t. I felt annoyed and defensive. In particular towards Betsy, who is single herself, and who I thought could still relate to me.
“The important thing,” Rachel said, wise from three glasses of wine, “is to be true to yourself. Silence the voices of the outside opinion-holders and be true to the voice within your soul. What they think doesn’t matter. Follow your heart and it will work out right.”
“She’s right,” said Betsy. “Don’t worry about what anyone else says or thinks. Even us. Do what you know is right.”
“In that case, I think I am going to go home,” I said, stuffing my arm in my giant coat sleeve.
“Emma, are you upset?” asked Betsy.
“No, but I have a lot of catching up to do tomorrow since I missed today, and I need to get enough sleep tonight.”
“It’s only seven o’clock,” said Rachel. “We haven’t even ordered food yet.”
“Well, I have to go,” I said, giving them each a quick little hug and making a break for the door.
I stepped out into the cold, wrapping my coat tightly around me, stomping my way home through the fresh, crisp snow. I was glad to be alone. “Who do they think they are?” I whispered under my breath. “Just because Rachel is married, it doesn’t mean she is wiser, or better than me.” I found a ski cap in my pocket and pulled it down over my ears, continuing my horrible habit of talking to myself: “Betsy’s in love with her boss, who is married, and who is an asshole. So she should really shut up.” I kicked at a mitten someone had dropped, but I missed it, instead kicking a splattering of snow at myself. “So they criticize every decision I make, and then tell me to just be true to myself. Really?”
“Are you talking to yourself?” said a voice to my left. I spun around.
“Oh, Pete! I’m glad it’s just you,” I said, my heart beating in my throat.
“Yes, it’s just me. I’d hate for you to disgrace yourself in front of someone important.”
“That’s not what I meant. I mean, you know I’m not crazy. A stranger might have been worried about me.”
“What are you doing out here?” he asked, falling into step beside me.
“I met my friends for a drink.”
“And it didn’t go well?”
“They like to give me advice. Sometimes it gets on my nerves. What are you doing out here?” I asked, noticing he was carrying a grocery bag.
“Just had to pick up a couple of things,” he said. I couldn’t be sure, but in the faint glow of the street lights he seemed to be blushing. He tucked the bag under his opposite arm, away from me, and put his chin down into his collar, bracing against the wind. We walked in silence; it was too cold and windy to talk.