“Sure.”
“Alrighty Emma, it’s been sent. Have you received it?”
“Umm, yes! It’s here already.”
“Fabulous! Fill it out, send it right back, and we’ll talk again soon. Good luck,” said Christine, hanging up.
I opened the email and discovered an eighteen page document attached to it. There were questions about everything I had ever done in my life, beginning with grade school. What sports had I played? What instruments? What were my teachers’ names and contact information? Had I been arrested? Had I ever done porn? I began typing, finishing the questionnaire two hours later. I emailed it back to Christine and just fifteen minutes later my phone rang.
“Hi Emma. We’re reviewing your answers, but so far, it all looks great. We’re going to be delving in a bit deeper using the information you provided, and don’t be surprised if we contact some of your old jobs and acquaintances. I’m sure it will all check out fine for you. No worries! Now we’d like you to come out to our headquarters here in California for the next step in this process.”
“Great, fabulous,” I said, realizing I was already starting to adopt her vocabulary and enthusiasm. It is strange how catchy attitudes can be.
“We are actually fairly far along in the selection process, but we have a few more spaces available on Bellamy’s Redemption. And, again, if that opportunity completes itself, we have so many other great shows that I think you’d be excellent on. But let’s shoot for getting you on Bellamy’s show. Alrighty?”
“Sure!” I said. There she went again, acting like any show would do.
“Okay, fabulous!” Now she recited instructions, a merry lilt in her voice: “I will be emailing your flight information, hotel reservation, itinerary, and several important waivers shortly. We encourage you to have your lawyer review the waivers with you if you have any questions, but of course that is up to you, and we really cannot offer you legal advice, so that is a suggestion, not actually a recommendation. You can expect to see these emails arriving within the next ten to fifteen minutes. If you don’t see them, check your spam folder. If they are not in your spam folder, call me right back, but only after at least fifteen minutes have passed and you have checked with you internet provider to make sure the problem does not lie on your end. Once you receive the documents, please read them over carefully and return them, completed, to me by five o’clock Pacific time today, and bring printed, signed copies with you as well. Got all that?”
“Um, sure!”
“Super! Get cracking little lady! You’ve got homework to do! It’s been great speaking with you Emma. I can’t wait to meet you. See you tomorrow morning. Buh-bye.”
And she was gone. I set down my phone, feeling shaky. Had she said she’d see me tomorrow? I went over to my computer and sat down. I felt shocked. Dazed. I checked my email. Nothing yet. And then, a split second later, a message arrived. ‘Welcome, Emma!’ it said. I clicked on it.
Emma,
We at Slice of Reality Studios would like to wish you a warm welcome as you join our family of reality television stars! We recognize what a special, warm, kind person Bellamy Timberfrost is, and we whole-heartedly understand why you are excited to have the opportunity to meet and fall in love with him! By receiving this invitation, you should be aware that you are part of a select group of women who will ultimately be narrowed down to the twenty who will join Bellamy on his search for his one true love! The in-person interviews that you will be a part of will help us determine who is best suited for Bellamy and for the rigorous and demanding opportunity of reality television! This in-person interview process will determine whether or not you will earn a place on Bellamy’s Redemption, and more importantly, in Bellamy’s heart! This is your final step in the interview process! Congratulations on getting this far and good luck with the rest of this process! It may not always be easy, but it is worth it!
Thank you and we look forward to meeting you in person!
Sincerely,
The Slice of Reality Studios Team
Attached to the email were fifteen pages of legal forms. As I perused them, my travel plans and reservation numbers arrived in my inbox.
I got myself a cup of coffee and sat back down at my desk. I reread the email. Every single sentence ended with an exclamation point. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. It seemed a little intense. I sipped my coffee, doubt seeping in. This was all moving a little fast for me. As I sat there, pondering my next move, my phone rang. I picked it up and looked at it. Peter Vincent.
“Hi Pete,” I said.
“Mind if I take you up on that cup of coffee? I can’t go back out there. I’m still not thawed out.”
“Come on over,” I said. I dashed into my bedroom and switched into jeans and a t-shirt. I was brushing my teeth when I heard him knock. I spat out my toothpaste and rushed to the door, trying to look normal, calm, and less like a slob than I had in the hallway.
“Hi,” I said. “Come on in.”
“Thanks.” He had brought his own coffee mug. A travel mug with a metallic, aerodynamic look to it.
“Nice mug,” I said.
“It was a free add-on with the Cappuccino Genie. I have one in every color, if you’d like one.”
“Do you have baby blue?”
“You got me. I don’t have baby blue. I have dark blue or a bluish-green. Teal, I guess it’s called.”
“That would be nice,” I said. “You know, my friends mentioned that you’re really hyper on television, but I don’t see it much in real life.”