“What? Good heavens! No way!”
“Why do you sound like Blanche from The Golden Girls?”
“I’ve always sounded like this. And I did not get a nose job. I’m hurt that you’d even ask that. I’ve always had a cute nose,” said Vanessa. She turned back to me and Deb and pointed to herself. “Same old nose, in case y’all are wondering, too.” I realized then that it was her lips that were different. They were fuller, making her nose look smaller. “Y’all” she continued, “I can’t believe what I’ve been missing. This hotel is so pretty. Have I mentioned how happy I am to be back? Alanna, speaking of old flames, I totally thought you were going to go back to your hockey guy. He was such a cutie.”
“He couldn’t be trusted,” said Alanna.
“Emma,” Vanessa drawled without bothering to turn around, “what was up with that loser they tried to fix you up with? Did you really used to love him?”
“No,” I said.
“Ooh, color me excited, girls! This lobby is just to die for! Or TDF as we say back home.” She fanned herself and giggled. “Would y’all just look at that cute little ol’ chandelier? It looks just like the one at my mama and daddy’s plantation.”
“I hate how they’re best friends and we’re totally unpopular,” Deb whispered to me. She still hadn’t stopped crying. She was hiding behind sunglasses, but they could only do so much. “I’m ready to gag. Literally! I’m gonna puke. I can’t stand the way they’re carrying on! I want to shoot them both.”
“We’re not unpopular,” I said, slowing down so we were farther from Alanna and Vanessa.
“We should hurry up. If they get to our room before we do, Vanessa’s going to steal my bed.”
“We won’t let her. And by the way, they are not friends. Haven’t you noticed how Alanna keeps sticking her fingers in her ears so she doesn’t have to listen to Vanessa?”
“Hmm, that’s a good idea.”
“Anyway, I thought you were Alanna’s biggest fan,” I said.
“Not anymore. Do you think they’re going to make her out to be perfect again this season?”
“Probably,” I whispered. “However, I have a plan: I think we should expose her for the awful person she really is.”
“Really?” Deb wiped at her tears. “How?”
“I’m not sure yet,” I said.
“What are you two whispering about back there?” Alanna snapped.
“Nothing,” I said.
“This hotel is ginormous! I just love, love, love how it smells like fresh pine needles in here,” Vanessa said, sniffing in a big whiff of hotel air. A passing hotel guest of about eighty, making his way down to the pool in just his swim trunks and barrel chest, waggled his wiry eyebrows at Vanessa appreciatively and said, “Aren’t you dressed up.”
“Well I never,” she said, giggling daintily behind her fingertips.
“I’m going to kill her,” Deb whispered.
“I don’t smell any pine needles. We have pine needles everywhere in Canada, and I would know if this place smelled like pine needles. All I smell is chlorine,” said Alanna.
“We have pine needles in Georgia, too, and it most definitely smells like them here. Ooh, there it is! A date card!” said Vanessa, pointing down the hotel corridor to a white square leaning against a champagne bucket on a cart by our suite door. She picked up her hem and went running down the hall towards it, but Alanna cut in front of her and shoved her out of the way, reaching it first. The cameraman Luca, who had been following along behind Deb and me, darted around us to capture her tearing it open.
“Emma,” Alanna began, “Please join me and my family for a day of love, laughter, and logrolling. Wear your best lumberjack attire! Yours, Bellamy.” Since she knew this would make it on television, she managed to smile while calmly handing the card to me. “Good for you! I hope you have a wonderful time with Bellamy’s amazing family.”
“Lucky!” said Vanessa. She gave me a big, camera-friendly hug.
“I wish I’d gotten the logrolling date,” said Deb. “I’ve always wanted to try that.”
I took the card, feeling prickles of excitement running up and down my arms.
“I’m so glad I wasn’t next,” said Alanna, as soon as we were in the room. “Everyone knows that the order really matters, and it’s best to be saved for last. And logrolling? Well, that just sounds terrible.”
“I’m excited about it,” I said, gathering my designer lumberjack wear that I hadn’t thought I’d have an opportunity to wear. I wasn’t sure if I knew what logrolling was, but I didn’t care. “So excited, in fact, that I’m going to pack already. Should I bring these tan suspenders or these black suspenders? The black ones have nice brass clasps, but the tan ones seem to be a little bit more authentic looking. You know what, they don’t take up much space; I’ll bring both. I wonder what time he’s coming to pick me up tomorrow.”