“No thank you.”
“Let’s talk some more. It’s so hard to get a chance to talk. We should take advantage of it.”
“I’m wearing a microphone, you know.”
“I know. It’s not like we’re saying anything we shouldn’t say. It’s just so nice not having the cameramen around. I think they’re all busy with everything going on outside. And honestly, I think some of them are drinking, so they’re like totally slacking.” She crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue.
I don’t know why I didn’t just walk around her. Well, aside from the obvious reason that she kept stopping me. I suppose I was still trying to behave like we were having a normal conversation.
She saw me continuing to eye the door, and she grabbed my arm, nodding solemnly. “Do you ever drink water? It’s healthy, you know.”
“I know. I drink quite a bit. Usually in the form of ice cubes,” I added trying to make a joke.
She sighed a long sigh, her viselike grip pressing into my arm. Once again she was focused on the pictures of Bellamy at prom. “Just look at his date. Sarah Buttersmoot. Look at her stupid smile. She’s so full of herself. I wish I could wipe that smile right off her face.” She dropped my arm and scrubbed at the picture with her thumb. “And what a dumb dress. Speaking of dresses, Kate picked out my wedding dress.”
“Really?” I asked.
Encouraged by an ounce of responsiveness from me, Sherifaye let loose. She lowered her voice and began speaking with a fierce urgency while noisily tapping her water bottle, I think in an effort to drown out her whispers from reaching our microphones. “My wedding dress! Can you believe it? Wow, Emma, it is so great to have someone to finally talk to. Being part of this family is like living on the Kennedy Compound. The isolation. The loneliness. Do you understand what it takes to be part of a family like this? I’ll bet you don’t. Really, you probably can’t even imagine. If I’m acting crazy, it’s because of them. You’ll see. First of all, you can never get fat. And you can’t do asinine things in public. Don’t let Dericka’s tattoo fool you; it’s only acceptable because it’s big enough to be considered artistic instead of seedy. That Kate is a control freak about anything having to do with fashion or style. I hope you don’t care about things like what clothes you wear or how your home looks. Yeah, that’s right! She decorated our house too. She’ll drive you batshit crazy. You will lose your mind. I’m going to say it again: You will lose your mind.”
“Hmm,” I said, nodding.
“That’s all you’ve got for me?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“In that case, never mind,” she said, shaking her head. I was the rescue helicopter beelining away from her island.
Unsure of what I should say, knowing I wanted to say nothing, I shrugged feebly and held up my empty glass.
“You’re thirsty! That’s right,” she said, returning to her previous persona. “But before you go, I still can’t believe he took Sarah Buttersmoot to prom. Can you? Look at her,” she said, tapping the glass. She was leaving marks all over everything. I supposed
they had a cleaning crew who would erase it all soon.
“I think I need to use the bathroom,” I said. You can’t argue with someone needing to use the bathroom, right?
“Emma, wait. I’m talking to you. Why are you leaving? Seriously, you’re hurting my feelings.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just want to get back to Bellamy.”
“You’ll have your whole life to be with him. Do you realize how lucky you are?”
“Of course. Yes, I’m so lucky,” I said.
“I knew Sarah Buttersmoot since I was born. I introduced them. But she swears they met once back in sixth grade at camp.”
“Oh. It’s such a small world.”
“Not really. I’ve never understood that expression.”
“Okay,” I said. What dreams I had of being part of the perfect family were shattering. Fortunately, they had been weak, watery, easy-come-easy-go dreams. Now I just really needed to escape. Sherifaye alone was too much for me to bear. And a mother-in-law picking out a wedding dress and decorating my home? Could anything be worse? And all the sports. And all the togetherness. And a father-in-law who believed in youjennicks? They sounded very sinister. It was time to give up. Time to remove myself from the competition. I didn’t care if I ended up poor and alone. As long as I was some place quiet with a soft bed I would be happy all my days.
Or perhaps it was just the exhaustion and alcohol talking.
“Small world,” Sherifaye continued. “The world is huge. It’s the biggest thing there is.”
“I don’t mean that the world is literally a small place. I guess I’m going to head outside…” I began to say. She cut me off: “I think they really want you to be a part of this family.”
“That means a lot to me,” I said.