“The spit-up phase doesn’t last,” Josh said with the air of authority that came from being father to a toddler. “Once the twins are on solids, it’ll get better.”
“No more,” Mitch pleaded. “Does this look like a mother and baby group? Keep that crap to yourself. We’re men. Men don’t talk about baby spit.”
“I’m with you,” Matt said. “I feel like I’m trapped in Baby Land and I don’t speak the language. Caroline’s pregnant with baby number two, Abby’s had twins, Claire’s pregnant with her own set of twins. Hell, even Jena’s talking about starting a family.”
The men froze. Food hovering mid-air on forks.
“Is that a good idea?” Josh voiced what everyone else was thinking. “She can’t keep herself in one piece, how will she take care of a kid?”
Matt shook his head in disgust, well aware he was married to the most accident-prone woman in Scotland. A woman who also happened to be a DIY addict. There was a betting pool going in the pub over which power tool she’d use to cause the most damage. So far, the lead bet was on her taking out Matt with a nail gun.
“I said that to her,” Matt said, “and she ranted about my ‘lack of sensitivity’ for half an hour, then kicked me out of the bedroom for the night. Didn’t talk to me for a week after it.”
Josh let out a whistle. “Talk about overreacting.”
“Tell me about it.” The cop reached for his coffee.
“You might as well give in,” Flynn said. “There’s no point arguing. She’s going to get what she wants, anyway. Maybe by the time the kid’s here, you’ll have figured out a way to keep her and the baby alive.”
“Bubble wrap!” Josh slammed down his mug. “I’ll get Caroline to do some research, but there must be safety clothes for kids. Something like bubble wrap. At least that way, if she drops the baby, it’ll just bounce.”
Matt looked grim. “Aye, but that won’t stop her walking into a hole with the baby or setting fire to the house while it naps.”
“Life was so much easier when all we did with the women in our lives was bed them and run,” Flynn said wistfully. “Now they’re out of control.”
“Speaking of control,” Josh said. “Let’s get back to the reason for this week’s meeting—Mitch has lost what little control he had over his craptastic relationship with Jodie. She only wants to use him as a sex toy, while he wants more. He doesn’t know how to address this situation in order to get what he wants.” He waved his arms as though conducting an orchestra. “Discuss.”
Mitch glared at his friend, silently promising retribution in his future. Josh looked unfazed. He forked a mouthful of bacon and smiled smugly while he chewed. Casually, Mitch reached for his phone, sneaked a photo of Josh with his fried breakfast, and sent it to Caroline with the caption: Josh eating bacon.
“Is this a joke?” Flynn was affronted. “We can talk about Mitch’s unrequited love, but we can’t talk about baby spit?”
“Get over the baby spit, already. This is serious,” Josh said around a mouthful of food that was going to get his ass kicked when his wife checked her phone. “Mitch here needs suggestions for what to do with Jodie. Who’s got one? Anybody? Seriously, don’t be shy. Any suggestion, no matter how dumb, is better than the nothing he’s working with right now.”
“Thanks,” Mitch said drolly as he pushed away his half-f
ull plate. Suddenly, fried black pudding and sausage didn’t look so appetizing.
“Anything for you, brother.” Josh thumped his fist over his heart.
“Just move in with her.” Flynn tugged Mitch’s plate toward him and proceeded to polish off the leftovers. “That’s what I did. Abby didn’t even notice it’d happened until it was too late.”
“Can’t. Even if I could sneak it past Jodie, her brother would notice. Deke can’t keep his nose out of anything.”
“Pity she’s English. Otherwise, you could marry her to keep her in the country,” Matt mused. “That worked for me.”
“What about a business arrangement?” Josh pointed a loaded fork at him. “I hooked Caroline with one.”
“No you didn’t. I was there, remember? She married you to get her hands on the castle.”
“That’s how it started, but in the end she couldn’t resist my charms. That woman is gone for me.” He huffed on his nails then buffed them on his Breakfast Club T-shirt.
“What charms?” Matt said. “The whole town is still trying to figure out what she sees in you.”
“He can sing,” Flynn offered helpfully.
“I’m not sure that’s enough to put up with him,” Matt said.
“Good point,” Flynn agreed.