A Little Something Extra

“You know the guy,” Bill said. “From the movies. Keeps saying ‘I’ll be back.’” He looked at his brother. “To be fair, he does always come back.”

“Man of his word.” Bob nodded. “Got to respect that.”

“And hard to kill.”

“Because of all the steroids.”

“Got to use steroids to get muscles like that,” Bill agreed before looking back at Ryan. “You’re not taking steroids, are you? They cause impotence.” He patted his ample belly. “I’d rather lose the muscle and keep the ability to please your grandmother.”

“I’m going to puke,” Ryan said. “And it’s the Terminator. As in, he puts an end to things. He’s got nothing to do with bugs.”

“Makes sense.” Bill nodded before lifting a staff from the wall of practice weapons. “You ready?” he asked his brother.

“Just let me get my stick.”

Rolling his eyes, Ryan returned to punching the bag, but a movement out of the corner of his eye distracted him again. He turned to see his granddad and great-uncle circling each other, in what could only be described as slow motion. Now and then, they’d smack their sticks together like a couple of half-dressed, rhythmless Morris dancers. It was the most bizarre thing he’d seen in a long time. And that was saying a lot because he’d spent time living in Invertary.

“Is there a reason you two feel you need to work out in your underwear?” Ryan said.

“Why buy something new when this works fine?” Bob said as he tapped Bill’s stick with his. “Nearly got me there,” he said. “We’re definitely improving.”

“If the building’s attacked again, we’ll be ready this time.”

“It helps that we have the panic room now.”

“Just in case we panic. Which reminds me, there’s nothing like a good glass of gin when you feel panicked. We need to stock up that room.”

“Already done,” Bob said.

It was no use. It was impossible to work out with the two of them in the room, playing with sticks and talking rubbish. He watched them as he unwrapped the tape from his hands. It was like watching those two hobbit cousins of Frodo attempting to fight. He looked down at their slowly dancing feet. Wouldn’t you know it? They were hairy.

As he watched, they stopped circling each other and stood, panting.

“Never been so fit in my life as since I came to work here,” Bill said.

Bob patted his rounded middle. “I ran up the stairs the other day, and I wasn’t even out of breath.”

“Kill me now,” Ryan muttered, making a mental note to talk to Callum about rescinding his family’s building access. Coming to work would be a whole lot more pleasant if he wasn’t being followed around by two geriatric gnomes who confused age with wisdom.

“You know,” Bill said. “It happened to me once too. And if you tell your grandmother this, I’ll swear you’re a liar.”

He knew he shouldn’t ask. That was how they sucked you in. One innocent statement that made no bloody sense. The next thing you knew, you were asking for an explanation, and then, that was you. Sucked down the rabbit hole that was the Granger brothers’ brains.

But, even knowing that, he couldn’t stop the question coming out of his mouth. “What happened?” he said between gritted teeth.

“Got screwed by a woman,” Bill said, gazing off into the distance. “And I mean that in every sense of the word. Gladys was the prettiest little thing you ever did see. Big blue eyes and a smile so innocent all you wanted to do was hold her in your arms and shelter her from the world. I took her to bed, as you do. Woke up the next morning with no wallet and my best boots missing.” He grinned at his brother. “It was worth every penny.” He cleared his throat. “I mean, that’s what I think now. Back then, I fancied myself in love and being conned like that devastated me.”

“It’s not the same thing,” Ryan said. Although it was a little too close for comfort.

“I tracked her down you know.” Bill sounded wistful.

Bob’s staff dropped to the mat with a dull thud. “You did?”

His granddad nodded. “Few years later. She was working as a lady of the night. Broke my heart to see it. But I think she’d been in that line of work all along. Only, now she was up-front about it. If you know what I mean.”

“How did the meeting go?”

“Cost me ten bob.” The grin was wide.