“Did I hurt you, Jules?” If she said yes, he honestly didn’t know how he’d live with himself.
“Don’t be daft,” was the murmur against his chest.
Joe smiled into the darkness. He hadn’t even turned on a light. He’d just fallen on her like an animal.
“I’m not usually like that…” He didn’t know how to explain it.
Julia lifted her head and rested her chin on him. She looked him in the eye. “Don’t. I like that it’s different every time. I loved what we did. You can do it again.” She paused. “Once I’ve had time to build up some energy.”
She plopped her cheek back down on his chest, as though even that small action had cost too much of her depleted resource of strength.
Joe couldn’t help but smile as she eased his worry. She was too damn cute. They lay there for a few moments, enjoying the silence and the darkness. Enjoying the comfort of being skin to skin.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Julia asked softly. “You don’t have to.”
Joe closed his eyes, a futile attempt to keep out the images that were already inside his head. She waited patiently, no judgment in the silence, and he knew if he chose not to speak about it, she would understand. But that wasn’t how it worked. The rest of the team would have to be told. The consequences would have to be dealt with.
“Ed sold us out.” Joe’s voice was strangely hoarse. As though he’d been crying, when his eyes were dry.
“I know.” Julia squeezed him tight.
He thought of the text warning him about Ed. And then the call that followed. Her timing had almost been lethal—something she would never know. He’d already warned Callum and Joe not to mention the phone call that gave their position away. It wasn’t her fault. It was his. He should have remembered to turn off his phone. It was a rookie mistake and they’d all paid for it. But not Julia. It wasn’t on her.
“Esteban’s men were waiting for us. It was an ambush.”
She caressed his stomach. “Don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t you who decided to betray your friends. That was Ed’s choice.”
“Yeah, but I should have known something was off.”
“Why? He was your friend. You trusted him. Why would you spend time suspecting him of subterfuge?”
Joe smiled and squeezed her tight. “Only you could use the word subterfuge in bed.”
“This isn’t exactly pillow talk, Joe.”
“No.” He sobered. “It isn’t.”
&nb
sp; Julia’s eyes softened. “It wasn’t your fault,” said his stubborn and beautiful woman.
“Maybe not, but it’s definitely my fault he’s dead.” Images flashed in his mind. The gunshot. The blood blossoming on Ed’s shirt. The life draining from his face. The glassy nothingness in his eyes when he breathed his last.
Julia shifted until she was leaning on his chest. She cupped his cheek and kissed him until the images retreated. Damn, but he loved this woman.
“It was either him or you. You did what you had to—what he forced you to do.” It was said with such conviction that it was almost impossible to refute.
“How do you know?”
“Because I know you. You wouldn’t have hunted him down as a traitor. You would only have hurt him if he was about to hurt you—or Callum and Ryan. It isn’t your fault.”
She kissed him again, sipping at his lips as though trying to take away his pain with her touch. Joe put his hands under her arms and pulled her until she was lying on top of him.
“I’m so sorry about Ed,” Julia whispered. “I know you weren’t close friends, but you trusted him. I don’t know what made him act the way he did. He was a nice man around us—although his betrayal means I’ll look at everything he did and said differently now. But I liked him and he was still your friend. A friend who forced you into a position where you had to do a horrible thing. I’m sorry he’s gone, but it still isn’t your fault. It’s the choices he made. He must have known when he decided to sell us out that there would be consequences. He took the risk anyway. What a horrible waste of a life.” Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him, and Joe knew they were tears for Ed and for him. “It hurts, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, baby, it hurts.” He clasped the back of her head and gently pulled her in for a kiss. This woman who saw too much and felt too deeply. This woman meant for him. Slow kissing turned to slow touching, and this time, they did make love.
And they made it slowly.