Rich (Benson Security 5)

“Rachel,” he said again, “is everything okay?”

As casually as she was able, she slid the drawer closed. “Why wouldn’t it be?” Slowly, she lowered herself to the seat behind her desk.

Okay, that was weird. She hadn’t lost herself like that before. The brief flashes of memory she did have usually turned up in her sleep. Taking a slow breath so that Harvard wouldn’t notice her fighting the urge to hyperventilate, she let it out carefully. Once. Twice. On the third breath, her sense of control returned.

“Is there something you wanted?” she asked, relieved to hear her voice sound as cool and even as usual. She took stock of her body. Her legs had stopped shivering, her heart was beating steadily, and her mind was clear. Everything was back to normal, meaning the moment had passed.

Harvard closed the door behind him and leaned back against it, folding his arms casually as he blocked her only exit. “What just happened?”

“Nothing.” She waved a hand at him. “If you have nothing to discuss, you may leave. I’m rather busy.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, making it clear that he was only dropping the topic of her mini-meltdown because he chose to. “Yeah, I have something to discuss. How about you dodging me this morning? That’s twice you’ve dumped me and run. It won’t happen again.”

Rachel frowned at him, feeling more herself with each passing second. “That’s a bit presumptuous, given that I don’t answer to you.”

“For the duration of this undercover assignment, you do.”

Now that was just irritating. “I said I’d do this job for you; I didn’t say I’d do everything you told me to.”

Harvard wasn’t like the other men at Benson Security. They tended to get loud and over-emotional when she confronted them. Not Harvard. He was just as calm as usual. There was no throbbing vein on his forehead, no clenched jaw, no dark frown. There were only those piercing brown eyes of his, boring straight through her. It was disconcerting, and she wasn’t quite sure how to handle him yet. All she knew was that she never felt threatened by him, and he definitely didn’t feel threatened by her. Which was such a shame.

“A lot of people are depending on you to do your part in this investigation. And to do it professionally. You’re part of a team, whether you like it or not, and we can’t function properly unless we can rely on each other.” He arched an eyebrow at her. “Can I rely on you, Rachel?”

For some reason, those words said in that gentle tone of his felt like more of a reprimand than anything he could have shouted at her. A strange sensation stole over her, and it took her a second to realize she felt shame at disappointing him. It wasn’t a feeling she was used to nor one she enjoyed.

“I’m playing my part in this team,” she objected.

She was in the damn office, wasn’t she? She?

??d stood at his side while being ambushed by her mother’s attempt at telling the world they were a couple. What else did he want from her?

“Are you playing your part? Can you honestly say that? A security operation is about trust. As team leader, I need to know you’re where I tell you to be, doing what I tell you to do. Lives could depend on it.”

She rolled her eyes. “We’re here to find a thief; we aren’t taking on the Taliban.”

“It doesn’t matter what the assignment is, Rachel. It’s about team trust. We don’t know where this job will lead. Hopefully, it’ll be a safe, easy walk in the park for all of us. But if it goes south, if the shit really hits the fan, your team needs to know you have their backs.” He held her eye. “Right now, the only person whose back you’re covering is your own.”

His words shouldn’t have mattered to her, but they did. They felt like a slap. And she couldn’t understand why. “Is this because I wouldn’t take you home with me on Saturday night? Or because I came to the office on my own this morning? Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

“No. I don’t. This isn’t a game for me. It isn’t something I’m doing reluctantly, putting in the minimum effort. This is my profession, and I take pride in doing it to the best of my ability. I need a functioning team that also behaves professionally at my back. You’re a partner in the business you’re representing. How you behave, what you do as part of this team, reflects on Benson Security and on me. And, your family is relying on you to get the job done for them. So, no. I don’t think I’m overreacting. I think I’m dealing with a woman who’s acting out because she didn’t get her own way.”

She would not let him see the blow his words had been. “I care very much about resolving this for my family and ensuring Benson Security performs as a company at the top of its field should. I resent your comments.”

“Then change your behavior, so I won’t have to make them. Work with your team instead of against us. Treat your undercover role with the same dedication you treat every other aspect of your business life. I’ve seen how you work. You push yourself to attain the highest standard in everything you do and expect us to do the same. Why is this assignment any different?”

Because she didn’t want to be there.

Which meant he was right.

It was a knife to her stomach.

If there’d been any challenge in his demeanor, any anger in his voice, she would have fought him on the issue—even though she knew she was wrong. But he hadn’t given her even a sliver of a reason to keep on arguing. Her only saving grace was that there was no one around to watch her concede. But holy Yves Saint Laurent, it was hard to get the words out of her mouth.

Studying him carefully, watching for any sign of amusement or gloating, she postponed the inevitable. But there was no avoiding it. She had to say the words he needed to hear and hope he didn’t hold them over her forever.

Rachel cleared her throat and said, “I apologize. I will make every effort to perform as part of this team from now on.”

She was going to be sick. Bile actually raced to her mouth. This was hell.