Windmera-Desperation

It was a night for lovers. The moon was full and the island sky was alive with the twinkling of stars. The sound of the ocean waves crashing on rocks was exhilarating as they found their way past the boulders to the firm white sand. She laughed and removed her slippers, leaving them at the bottom step.

Godwin’s image filled her dreams, as did her doubts. Maurice had started to infiltrate those dreams. He was real, he was good, and he was present.

She had to admit to herself that she needed Maurice, had come to rely on him for so much. She knew she was physically attracted to him and wondered at it. Had her love for Godwin slipped into the past? Was he a forgotten hope?

Did she love Maurice? If only she could. Safety for her child was here with Maurice. The unknown lay across the ocean in Cornwall. In England, her child would be scorned. Here…not so.

The roar of the breakers against the long reef played out its willful song. The warm breeze took her hair, as did Maurice, who suddenly drew her into his arms.

“Even in the dark, those violet eyes of yours slay me,” he said softly.

She pushed off him and suddenly began undressing. “It is so warm…let’s take a swim.”

He looked momentarily astonished, but lost no time in throwing off his clothes.

In the shadow of the moonlight, Heather wondered at herself. She felt no shyness as she looked at his hardened manhood. She knew what restraint it took for him not to reach out and touch her.

She laughed as she turned and ran towards the spray.

He joined her and they fell in the shallows. As he helped her up, he said, “Heather…” And no longer held back as he held her wet and naked body against his own.

His kiss was long and stirred Heather’s passion. She allowed it, but then pulled away.

He did not try and stop her as she ran back to where she had left her clothes.

He followed. As she dressed, she looked away from him.

“Heather?” he said softly.

She turned and saw he had his britches and boots back on. “Yes?”

“I will speak as always, plainly. Chérie, between us it is possible to speak plainly, oui?”

“Oui,” she said softly. She was torn up with guilt. She was turning away from Godwin, the love of her life, and she knew it. How could she do such a thing?

“In many things, you are a good woman. Do not shake your head. You are so good, and that is why I am puzzled. You have been honest with me, so I must speak. How, Heather, can you, a good woman, destroy the lives of so many?”

It was as though he had stuck a knife into her. “What? What are you saying?”

“Ah, you don’t want to see, do you? This worthless woman, Sara…but if you go back, you destroy her. I care nothing for her, but the boy, what of him? And Godwin will be at risk from Sara, as you will be again. Your child…it will be born illegitimate. He will never be able to marry you in time, if at all.”

Heather’s face contorted with pain. “Oh God…what have we done?” It was all so ugly because they, she and Godwin, had been selfish and careless. “But what of Godwin? He has a right to see the child he wants so very much.”

“You are stubborn or blind…or both. This Godwin is a man. In the end, he will take another woman. It is the way of men. He will father another child. You must see to the future.”

“No. Enough! I can’t listen to this,” Heather shouted, and put on her slippers. She rushed ahead of him up the wooden steps and out of sight.

* * * * *

Heather lay in bed in an anguish of indecision. She cared for Maurice, perhaps on some level, she loved him. If she had never known Godwin, perhaps she would have loved Maurice completely and accepted to be his wife? Perhaps.

She adored her unborn child. If she stayed with Maurice, would it be best for her child? Perhaps. It would be a lie, though. One day she would have to tell her child…or would she? Oh, what to do?

A knock on her door brought her head up. “Yes?”

“Heather…I cannot sleep. I was awful to you…I…please, would you come to the door and allow me to apologize?”

She jumped out of her bed. It was dreadful that he thought he should apologize. She was the one at fault. She opened the door wide. “Maurice…no. You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”