When I realized I’d read the same sentence three times but still hadn’t comprehended it, I pushed aside the folder and turned to the bank of monitors at my side. There were cameras in every room of the house, and each one had its own feed. I usually kept them all turned off, except Elle’s room, but I couldn’t resist the compulsion to flick the switch that opened the feed to Lindsay’s room. I told myself it was just a quick glimpse to make sure she was asleep, though I knew that was a lie. I honestly intended it just to be a quick look though, because I wasn’t in the habit of spying on guests in my home, no matter how hard they made my dick—not that any of my previous houseguests and left me in that state.
It was immediately obvious what she was doing, and I let out a shaky sigh that admitted to myself this is what I’d hoped to see. I didn’t want to be a creepy letch, but as her fingers slipped deeper into her pussy, and she started rubbing quicker, I slipped a hand into my pants. I was so hard that there was no time to take them down, and I wrapped my fist around my cock and started pumping. It was a poor substitute for burying myself in her slick slit, and I couldn’t suppress the fantasy of marching down the hall, throwing open the door to her room, and seeing her in person. Claiming her.
That was where my fantasy stuttered to a halt, though my hand kept stroking as my gaze stayed on the tempting sight before me. I wasn’t sure how she would react. I thought she found me attractive, but I couldn’t be sure, and it was better not to know. I couldn’t risk depriving Elle of the one person who might be able to get through her shell, I certainly didn’t want any messy complications from Lindsay imagining herself in love with me.
I was almost at the edge, but I wanted to come when she did, so I just held my rigid shaft, occasionally squeezing or rubbing the tip, but not to the point where I came.
I could see but I couldn’t hear her breathy little moans and whispers that were sure to be spilling from her mouth, but I could judge by the way her hand was moving frantically between her legs now, and how she arched her hips upward that she was about to come too. I timed it just right, and just as she did, I came. At the height of my climax, I couldn’t be certain if it was just wishful thinking, release from the tension, or reality when I swore she whispered my name. I couldn’t hear it, but her lips seemed to form the word Ben.
As soon as I finished, shame washed over me, and I quickly flicked off the feed. I had no right to spy on her like that, and now that the pleasure was gone, I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again. It was absolutely one of the worst things I’ve ever done, though she was unlikely to ever find out. That was what made it dangerous. I could keep doing it, and she wouldn’t know. I’d have to rely on my willpower to resist the temptation to spy again.
In fact, it was better if I just withdrew entirely. I’d been trying to minimize the amount of time I spent with her throughout the week, though I’ve genuinely been as busy as ever. The flaw in the arrangement was that I couldn’t spend as much time with Elle, but I planned to make that up to her over the weekends. An outing to the zoo sounded like a good idea, and I knew she liked the animals. We’d gone a few times over the past few months, and it was one of the places she seemed to unwind and be a child again.
A trip to the zoo with Elle was the perfect thing, and it wouldn’t be gracious not to invite Lindsay as well. She might turn me down, and that should be the outcome I wanted, so I refused to acknowledge the pang of disappointment at the idea of her not coming with us.
CHAPTER 8
LINDSAY
“I think you should probably take her by yourself, Ben. She needs some one-on-one time with you.”
“No, please come, Lindsay,” said Elle.
I thought she hadn’t been listening, since she’d taken off to her room to grab a backpack when Ben suggested the trip to the zoo. She was back too quickly, and I felt awkward. “I’d love to come, but I think you should spend some time just with your dad too.”
“I will,” said Elle with such exasperation that I almost laughed. “I just want you to be there too. Please?”
“Lindsay might be pretty busy today,” said Ben in a completely neutral tone of voice that did nothing to reveal whether he wanted me to decline or accept.
“But you have to. The lions have a new baby, and we have to see it together. Besides, we have to see the snake house together. Maybe I can make the glass disappear,” she said with an uncharacteristic giggle.
That clinched it for me, especially since I really wanted to go anyway—and it wasn’t because of the lions or the snake house. I wanted to be with Elle and Ben, though any time spent with him was risky. But it was worth putting myself out there if it meant Elle was able to shine like this. Enthusiasm from Elle was a huge change of pace, and I was afraid that to refuse her again would dim the light in her eyes. “In that case, I’d be happy to come, but if you make the glass disappear, you have to promise you won’t let the snake bite me.”
“I’m probably not a parselmouth,” said Elle with complete seriousness.
I frowned at her. “How did you know that word?” We aren’t that far into the series. We’re still at the midpoint of chapter two.
She shrugged. “I’ve seen the movies, Lindsay.”
“Of course you have. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I smiled at her, t
hough I was concerned if she had seen all of the movies. They could be scary in parts and something she should have watched with an adult. I had a feeling she’d watched alone though.
After that, it was a mad scramble to finish breakfast and gear up for a day at the zoo with sweaters and scarves since it was getting chilly these days. Finally we were ready to head out. Ben surprised me by walking toward the subway station when we exited the Imperial. “You aren’t taking the car?”
“No way,” said Elle, authoritatively. “Weekends are for subways.”
As Ben slowed his pace so I could fall in step beside him and Elle skipped ahead a few feet, he lowered his voice. “Elle loves taking the subway, but weekends are the only time I let her ride. Never after dark, of course, and never alone.”
I was reassured as I followed them down the stairs and through the turnstile before walking down another level to the platform. Elle and Ben seemed to know right where they were going, so I was happy to let them lead.
Everyone was in a good mood, including me. I was doing my best to block out what I had done last night, because whenever I thought about it, I couldn’t look at him without blushing. It wasn’t the first time I had played with myself to a fantasy of Ben Hudson, but it was certainly the first time I had done so under his roof and down the hall from him. It was also the first time in a few years that he’d made more than a passing appearance in my fantasies. It wasn’t like I’d been pining for him for the past three years. I’d had crushes and boyfriends, and Liam Hemsworth was more likely to be the focal point of my fantasies recently—or at least he had been until I came to live with the Hudsons.
I forced myself to stop thinking about it, because it was making me squirm in my seat. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, and I didn’t want to keep rubbing my leg against Ben’s accidentally—no, I wanted to do it on purpose. I barely managed to behave myself on the way to the zoo.
Once we arrived, there was the usual press to get through the crowds, along with standing in line. Elle was still bouncing with delight, and she seemed so much like just a regular seven-year-old right then that it lightened my own step. I could feel at least the possibility of a breakthrough coming for her.
We traipsed through the zoo, hitting most of the exhibits over the next few hours. Elle was particularly entranced by the new baby lion, which we were lucky enough to see. She stared at it for such a long time that I grew concerned and placed a hand on her shoulder. “What do you think of the baby?”