One Bride for Five Mountain Men

“Ask me anything,” she chirps. “Literally. Ask me anything, at all.”

The guys all stare expectantly at me as I pace back and forth, trying to formulate the words.

“Seriously? You guys want to do this? Because it makes the nondisclosure agreement a lot more complicated, I am just telling you!”

“Jesus, just get on with it!” Jake insists. The other guys add their voices, too, making it almost impossible for me to do anything else.

“Okay, Lola, here’s the deal. We don’t have women up here. By agreement… By all of our agreement… We’ve lived solitary lives for the past three years.”

She knits her brow, squinting at me. “What does that mean… solitary lives?”

I spread my hands out, gesturing at the large room. “This is our retreat. We stay here, on the mountain. We need this privacy. That means nobody in or out. Absolutely nobody.”

“Wait, like… seriously? You guys don’t leave the mountain?” Her eyes dart from brother to brother, and each nods their affirmation in turn.

“Okay, that’s… Well, that’s pretty fucked up,” she shrugs. “How are five healthy men living alone on a mountain? Doesn’t it drive you insane?”

“Just about!” Liam grumbles.

“That’s just it,” I add. “It’s a pretty delicate balance of personalities, you might say. Just one detail can disrupt the whole thing. So we’ve all agreed: no strangers, no women, no exceptions… Unless…”

“Unless?” she repeats archly.

“Well, in theory, there could be one,” I finish, sitting in the armchair across from her.

The guys shift their weight expectantly, holding their breath as she puzzles the information out. I know they have a lot of hope in their hearts, and I worry about what happens when they are disappointed.

“Okay, explain it to me like I am stupid,” she sighs. “Who is this one that you are talking about? One what?”

“One woman,” Jake adds in a low voice.

She shakes her head at him like she doesn’t understand, like she’s getting a little frustrated.

“If there was one woman, one very special woman who agreed to be with all of us, that would be okay. Not five women, because that would just be too complicated, too many opportunities for people to get their feelings hurt, for misunderstandings to grow…”

“One woman… for all of you? As in… sexually?”

“Hell, yeah!” Kill shouts out. Liam elbows him hard in the ribs.

Her beautiful auburn eyebrows arch higher and higher as she considers the possibilities.

“Jake? Are you serious?”

“Totally serious,” I interrupt, holding out the nondisclosure agreement again. “You can see why it’s better if you just sign and take a settlement. Two million is too much, but perhaps a million…”

“I want to do it,” she announces tersely. “I’m in.”

“Yes!” Kill shouts out again. Liam tries to elbow him, but he twists out of the way. “Will you please stop trying to assault me, Liam? I’m going to need all my energy.”

Her smile widens. “Yes, you are,” she nods, flirting.

“Lola, I don’t think you understand—”

“You want me to have sex with all of you,” she enunciates slowly. “Is that what I don’t understand? I think I understand it pretty well. Sex. With each of you. All five of you. Maybe all at once? Should we start now?”

“I’m game,” Timothy announces, unbuttoning his trousers and letting them fall right to the floor.

“Hold on, stop!” I object, holding my hands out. “Lola, this isn’t just a weekend fling, do you understand that? This is a serious arrangement… One that most women couldn’t even contemplate. One that a lot of women would find offensive, actually.”