Save Me, Sinners

Freddie enters the kitchen, nodding once at me and once at Kita. To his credit, his eyes don't linger on her. He never gives the impression that he thinks about her too much, which is good. He even retrieved her belongings without even making any kind of comments about it, though that’s a very personal mission.

Freddie has been with me since I had to kick him out of one of my properties. He was homeless, squatting in the abandoned warehouse for who knows how long. After the Army, he had nowhere to go. But he had motor pool experience and a disciplined attitude. He’s been with me ever since.

After a couple of months, I broke him of the habit of saluting me every time I walked into a room. Still, he’s respectful and part of that respect extends to his distant behavior with Kita. That’s good. The last thing I need is for someone to trigger my natural male jealousies too. I'm having a hard enough time controlling myself around her, and I don't need anything else kicking my testosterone into high gear.

Like, that thing she just did, pushing her hair behind her ear and then trapping her lower lip between her teeth… that's just about enough. That makes me want to go over there and…

“All right, I've got to get going,” I say tensely. “You can contact me at any time. In fact, you know what? While I’m gone, I’d like you to text me, please. Twice a day sounds good.”

Her eyebrows go up but she says nothing. I know I'm being ridiculous, but now that I've said it, I can't back down.

“Just once in the morning and once at night. Just check in and let me know everything's all right. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes, sir,” she says pertly, I see the smile playing around the corners of her mouth.

Yes, sir, I repeat in my mind, letting that word pinball through me. It's nice. Not as nice when she called me daddy by mistake, but…

I clear my throat. Freddie turns around and heads back to the garage and I walk past her, fighting the urge to pat her on the head, hug her goodbye, or even salute. It's awkward, just leaving like this, but I know I've got to do it.

And for the next couple of days, she does exactly what I asked. She sends me a text in the morning, and another at night. On the second day, I actually stare at my phone on the small table in the hotel room, waiting for it to buzz, light up. When it finally does, I feel such a wave of excitement and relief that I actually laugh to myself, alone in the room.

That's how ridiculous this is. That's how close to the edge I am. I'm talking to myself in hotel rooms now.

When I see her message, it gives me a sharp, bone-deep thrill.

All good here. XO.

X0? As in…

And before I know it, I'm hard again. It's gotten to the point now where every thought of her gives me an erection instantly. It's an inconvenience, and I started masturbating in the shower every day, just hoping that that will take the edge off and give me less of a hair trigger.

I know I'm just infatuated, but I don't know what to do about it.

On the third day of my trip, I finally get to meet with Candace, the president of the Atlanta branch of the Federated Bank. Her secretary shows me into her office and I settle into a club chair in front of her desk, trying to distract myself from the unceasing thoughts of Kita.

Candace has pictures of herself with various dignitaries on each wall. A fearless corporate leader, she's brilliant and one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.

I hear the door open behind me and feel the shif

t in air currents as she strides into the room. She sails passed me, with a regal grace to her walk. She removes her glasses and folds them before sitting behind her desk and crossing her long legs at the knee. I can’t help but notice the gracefully curved bones of her shins and the blood red sparkle of her stiletto heels.

“Daniel… so good of you to make time for me,” she purrs. She reaches out with one hand and absentmindedly strokes the leather top of her desk. My eyes follow the motion, waiting to see if she's going to run her thumb along the outside of her index finger, one of the most alluring gestures I have ever seen.

And she does.

And I feel… nothing.

She tips her head to the side, stretching her neck and sighing. “It's so good to see you. Are you sure you can't stay another day or two?”

I swallow, hard, trying to find some sense of attraction for her. I should be… in fact, I know that I used to be. For a time I thought that if I could make room in my life for anyone, I could make room in my life for Candace. Neither of us ever bothered to get around to it. But now… absolutely nothing. Not even a dial tone.

“Oh, I wish I could, Candace. But I think everything is already taken care of. There is nothing else I could do here.”

She leans forward, resting her elbows on the desk and balancing her chin on her fingers.

“Nothing?” she repeats. I can tell by the slight squint in her eyes that she's wondering about my coolness. I am also wondering about my coolness, to be honest. We have flirted before, and I've always been able to reciprocate. But at this point, I simply can't.

“Yes, your security is watertight. Actually, I should congratulate you. Your new CTO has done a fantastic job securing your data centers.”