The Hating Game

“If you climb out the window, I’m going to be really mad.”

“I’ll be back, I promise. I’ll tell you the whole sorry tale. Will you be okay for a minute?”

“I’ve had to make friends with half the people in this room, remember? I’m sure I’ll find someone to hang out with.” I watch him go and strike the most casual pose I can manage.

I haven’t actually spoken to Mindy yet. Outside, she was always being moved around by the photographers, but she’d smiled at me and I have the impression that she is nice. She’s nearby speaking animatedly to an older couple. When they move away, I smile and wave tentatively. I feel bad she has to have strangers at her wedding.

“Hello, Mindy, I’m Lucy. I’m Joshua’s, ah, plus-one. Thank you so much for having me here. The ceremony was lovely. And I love your dress.”

“Nice to meet you. I’ve been dying to.” She smiles broadly,

her dark eyes lit with undisguised interest as she looks me over.

“You’re the girl who’s melted the ice man.”

“Oh! Um. I don’t know about melted . . . Ice man?” I’m at my articulate best.

“You know Josh and I dated for a year?” She waves her hand quickly as if it were nothing.

“What? No.” My stomach folds in half. And in half again. She puts one hand to her hair and smoothes the already perfect style. It’s blond. She’s tall, tan, and brown eyed. She’s Tall Blondie.

My mouth is probably a perfect circle. I am speechless. It is all dropping into place. How humiliating would it be to go alone to your ex-girlfriend’s wedding? Especially when she’s marrying your brother?

“How long ago did you meet Patrick?” I am trying to keep my voice modulated. I sound like my car’s GPS.

“I’d known him while dating Josh, of course. When all that business with Josh’s work going through the merger, I started talking to Patrick to try to understand why Josh was being so distant. He isn’t much of a talker, as you know.”

I look at all the strangers who have been staring at Josh all night. They’ve been wondering how he’s coping with seeing this beautiful woman marry his brother. A year. They would have definitely slept together. This willowy, immaculate blonde has lain in his bed. Kissed his mouth. I swallow acid.

“Patrick and I just clicked. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind; we only got engaged six months ago. I still feel bad about it, but Josh and I were not a good fit. I found his moods to be scary sometimes. I still hardly know what to talk to him about. I’m sorry, I’m being rude. Please don’t tell him I said that.”

I feel like I’m about to burst into tears and Mindy watches me with growing alarm.

“I’m sorry, Lucy, I thought he would have told you. He’s so happy with you. I never would have imagined he’d be so completely smitten. He never was with me. I suppose it does make sense. Intense men like him usually fall pretty hard, when they eventually do.”

I force myself to smile, but it’s not convincing. I can’t be responsible for ruining Mindy’s happy wedding buzz, but inside I’m breaking. How could I have been so stupid to think he was walking me around, showing me off, for nothing? I’m moral support while he attends his ex-girlfriend’s wedding. If that isn’t the definition of a rent-a-date I don’t know what is.

“Oh, Lucy. Sorry to upset you, especially if you two are early days. But Josh is yours.”

I manage a weak laugh. He’s really not.

“Patrick is especially surprised. What did he say? Something like, I’ve never seen Josh look like he has a heart.”

“He has a heart.” A self-serving heart, but a heart nonetheless.

A wedding-planner-type person indicates to Mindy and she waves.

“His heart is all yours,” Mindy says and pats my arm. “I’ll be tossing the bouquet now. I’ll aim right for you.”

She weaves through her guests, as poised and gorgeous as I’ll never be.

Arms slide around me from behind. A kiss on the back of my neck, diluted by my hair. The effect is still so potent I have to gulp. The DJ has begun calling the single ladies onto the dance floor. The freak-out is building in my gut. My palms sweat. I need to get out.

“Hi. Where’s all your new friends?” He begins to push me into the growing group of contenders.

“No, Josh. I can’t.”

People are watching us. I’m on the knife-edge of needing to make a scene but knowing I can’t. The tears and panic are welling up inside me. Usually perceptive, he doesn’t see them this time.