The Hating Game

He smoothes a steady hand down my throat, over my bra, between my breasts, to my belly. The light in here is brightly diffused, and he can see every vein and pastel paintball bruise as he looks down at me, eyelashes fanned so perfectly I feel the next tear coming.

I love him so much I can’t hold it in much longer. I’m vibrating from it. I’m showering sparks. He makes it even harder to hold on when he speaks, fingers stroking my marred skin.

“I’m sorry you’ve been bruised so often because of me. I should have protected you from myself. I’ve been set to a default for a long time. Sort of like, I attack before I can be attacked. You’ve been on the receiving end, days, weeks, months, and you’ve handled it like no one else ever could have.” I try to speak but he shakes his head and continues.

“Every day, every minute, I’ve only ever been sitting there, looking at you. What I’ve done to you has been the worst mistake of my life.”

“It’s okay,” I manage to say. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not. I don’t know how you’ve coped with me. And I’m sorry.” He drops his mouth to the bruise on my ribs.

“I forgive you. You forget, I’ve been a complete bitch to you.”

“But you never would have been, if I’d just smiled back.”

“I wish you had.” My voice breaks traitorously. I may as well have said, I wish you loved me. I hold my breath. With his crazy-intelligent brain, I know he’s joining the dots seconds behind me. I struggle up the bed, but he crawls easily over me, and lays my head on his pillow.

“It made no difference. I loved you the moment I saw you.”

I’m falling backward, through his bed. He loops an arm around my waist. I jerk like he’s caught me.

“You love . . . What? Me?”

“Lucinda Elizabeth Hutton. One and the same.”

“Me.”

“Lucy, heiress of the Sky Diamond Strawberries dynasty.”

“Me.”

“Could you show some ID so I can be certain?” His eyes are lit and the smile I love best of all is glowing on his face.

“But I love you.” I can hear how incredulous I sound.

He laughs. “I know.”

“How do you always know everything?” I kick my feet against the mattress.

“I only figured it out a few minutes ago. Your heart

has been breaking.”

“I can’t hide anything from you. It’s the worst.” I try to put my face into the pillow.

“You don’t need to hide anything from me.” He takes my chin in his fingers and kisses me.

“You’re scary. You’ll hurt me.”

“I guess I’m a bit scary. But I will never hurt you again. Anyone who ever does will find out about scary.”

“You hate me.”

“I never have. Not for a second. I have always loved you.”

“Prove it. There’s no way you can.” I am satisfied that I’ve thrown out the unwinnable challenge. He rolls onto his side and rests his cheek on his bicep. My heart is pounding.

“What’s my favorite color?”