I just received your newest set of flowers and your note about going on a date tonight…I have a few stipulations, though.
—Aubrey
Subject: Re: Yes.
Name them.
—Andrew
She sent a new message.
Subject: Date.
I’m allowed to ask you whatever I want and you have to answer truthfully.
—Aubrey
Subject: Re: Date.
I always answer truthfully. Is the word “stipulations” not plural?
—Andrew
Subject: Re: Re: Date.
You have to be a complete gentleman. I don’t want to be f**ked in another bathroom…
What time are you picking me up?
—Aubrey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Date.
I actually wasn’t planning on f**king you tonight, but since you’ve clearly entertained that possibility, I’ll be sure to send a list of potential locations prior to the date.
Eight o’ clock.
—Andrew
I knocked on her door at 7:58, dressed in a black designer suit I’d purchased hours ago.
There was no answer, and before I could knock again, the door swung open and she stepped out wearing a short black dress that left little to the imagination.
“Are you aware that it’s still winter?” I trailed my finger along her exposed shoulders. “You’re going to need a coat.”
She looked behind me. “You took the subway here?”
“Yes.”
“We’re taking the subway on our date?”
“The car will come later.” I smiled as confusion spread across her face.
>“Well, you certainly have it.”
“And look, it only took twenty two years…”
She sighed. “We’ve decided to talk to the department chair about letting you pick up where you left off during the summer semester. We can do that since you’re so upset about being a part of the campaign.”